Why do I always find my thoughts rushing me late at night when I'm really too exhausted to write? I have SO much to say and SO much that I've been keeping in. I need a good Saturday morning on my front porch with nothing but music, my iPad, and thoughts flowing from my fingertips. I hope to have this SOON!
But, for now I'm going to leave you with my latest mantra and something I'm chanting in my head over and over....
You can't change how someone acts, but you CAN change how YOU react!!
12.28.2011
12.26.2011
Merry Christmas....
I hope that everyone has had a wonderful day with family and friends today!
Christmas for me has changed and probably for obvious reasons. I mean, let's be honest, Christmas doesn't have the same effect on a 28 year old as it does on an 8 year old. I didn't have a hard time falling asleep on Christmas Eve in hopes of catching a glimpse of Santa surrounding the underneath of our tree with presents. I don't really even care about getting presents anymore. In fact, about 5-6 years ago when the Madre was asking what I wanted for Christmas, I told her that I had everything I needed and that we should buy for those who would otherwise go without. It has since become our family's tradition to "adopt" a family and purchase gifts for them. It is something that I sincerely love doing!
Now, we do still open presents between the three of us (Madre, sister, and myself), but we have a rule to not go crazy with spending and therefore most (if not all) of the gifts come from the dollar store. Some of the gifts are practical while others are for shits and giggles. Some examples of the funnies: Spotted Dick sponge cake (this is a real dessert that you can find in the grocery stores), pooping animals (little plastic cows and pigs that "poop" small chocolate candies), and what I didn't find very funny, but the madre and sister did...the re-gifted gifts. Which I was the recipient of most of the re-gifts and these little gems were gifts that I had purchased last year. Not so cute, but we will blame it on the early onset of alzheimers for the Madre.
Christmas for me has changed and probably for obvious reasons. I mean, let's be honest, Christmas doesn't have the same effect on a 28 year old as it does on an 8 year old. I didn't have a hard time falling asleep on Christmas Eve in hopes of catching a glimpse of Santa surrounding the underneath of our tree with presents. I don't really even care about getting presents anymore. In fact, about 5-6 years ago when the Madre was asking what I wanted for Christmas, I told her that I had everything I needed and that we should buy for those who would otherwise go without. It has since become our family's tradition to "adopt" a family and purchase gifts for them. It is something that I sincerely love doing!
Now, we do still open presents between the three of us (Madre, sister, and myself), but we have a rule to not go crazy with spending and therefore most (if not all) of the gifts come from the dollar store. Some of the gifts are practical while others are for shits and giggles. Some examples of the funnies: Spotted Dick sponge cake (this is a real dessert that you can find in the grocery stores), pooping animals (little plastic cows and pigs that "poop" small chocolate candies), and what I didn't find very funny, but the madre and sister did...the re-gifted gifts. Which I was the recipient of most of the re-gifts and these little gems were gifts that I had purchased last year. Not so cute, but we will blame it on the early onset of alzheimers for the Madre.
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| Notice the sister (whose gift this is) is wearing a Piggly Wiggly shirt in the background. Appropriate...I think so! |
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| For those nights when your sweet tooth is craving something...bahahaha! Eventhough the magic of the day is really no longer there for me and gone are the days of the sister and I anxiously waiting on the steps for the Madre to get her cup of coffee before we are allowed in the living room to see what Santa brought us from the North Pole; I do enjoy our quirky spin on the gift giving. I look forward to seeing what funny dollar store finds are waiting for me underneath the tree and now I anticipate the endless amounts of laughter that are sure to escape each of us! I do hope that each year we are able to provide a little bit of magic for the families that we adopt. That maybe those kids had that same anticipation that my sister and I shared as kids while waiting to see their Christmas tree surrounded by presents from Santa. That they ended up having big smiles on their faces when Santa brought them what was on their wish list! That for me makes Christmas special and meaningful!!! Well, that and spending time with the ladies that mean the world to me!!!! I would like to add more to this post as it has been some time since my last one, but I can barely keep my eyes open. So nighty night and Merry Christmas! |
11.25.2011
Taking a walk down memory lane...
I'm supposed to be wrapping presents for the family we "adopted" this year. But, I found my Baby's Milestones book while searching for the wrapping paper (that I never found and kind of gave up looking for) instead and have become distracted with this little gem. My baby/young kid self has me cracking up!!!
Here's what I was like:
~From the time I was pulled out of the madre's belly my eyes were wide open, smiling, and making funny faces.
~I was an attention whore who loved to laugh at everyone that looked at me.
~At 6 months old my favorite thing to do was look at pictures of myself and kiss them (I was a conceited baby).
~at my 7 month check up appointment I peed all over the table at the doctors office and thought it was hilarious!
~was obsessed with music and dancing: at 3 months old I fell in love with music...per the madre when music was playing I would "sing" and as soon as it was turned off I would stop; at 10 months old I liked to play disc jockey and change the station and dance to the music; at 2 years old I was doing the moon walk to Michael Jackson songs; at 3 years old my favorite song was "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper; at my 7th birthday party all I wanted to do was listen to music and dance, but all the other girls were too shy!
~had my first "boyfriend" at 4 years old: Adam my next door neighbor and best friend and according to the madre we spent every single day together. She once caught us playing house under my covers and I told her we were playing mommy and daddy....bahahahahahaha!
~I loved money: at 2 years old I insisted on paying for everything; at 3 yrs old I saved $2 and made the madre take me to McDonalds so I could buy french fries; at 6 yrs old the madre would take my birthday money and put it in the bank....I asked every day if I had made a lot of money yet and I wanted it back so I could buy Barbies.
~I had two imaginary friends from age 3-5 yrs. old. Big Allison and Little Allison...don't remember those girls, but I'm sure they got me into trouble.
~I was very stubborn/independant: at 2 yrs old I insisted on dressing myself, made the madre stay in the reception area for my very first hair cut; when the parents would tell me "no" I would shake my head no and then do it anyway
~at 2 yrs old I had a habit of biting the boys in Kindercare. I wasnt in Kindercare for long.
~at 15 months old I was acting like "mommy" to the younger babies in daycare
Not too much has changed since those days. Except I don't pee on the doctors table anymore and when I bite boys they like it...
Here's what I was like:
~From the time I was pulled out of the madre's belly my eyes were wide open, smiling, and making funny faces.
~I was an attention whore who loved to laugh at everyone that looked at me.
~At 6 months old my favorite thing to do was look at pictures of myself and kiss them (I was a conceited baby).
~at my 7 month check up appointment I peed all over the table at the doctors office and thought it was hilarious!
~was obsessed with music and dancing: at 3 months old I fell in love with music...per the madre when music was playing I would "sing" and as soon as it was turned off I would stop; at 10 months old I liked to play disc jockey and change the station and dance to the music; at 2 years old I was doing the moon walk to Michael Jackson songs; at 3 years old my favorite song was "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper; at my 7th birthday party all I wanted to do was listen to music and dance, but all the other girls were too shy!
~had my first "boyfriend" at 4 years old: Adam my next door neighbor and best friend and according to the madre we spent every single day together. She once caught us playing house under my covers and I told her we were playing mommy and daddy....bahahahahahaha!
~I loved money: at 2 years old I insisted on paying for everything; at 3 yrs old I saved $2 and made the madre take me to McDonalds so I could buy french fries; at 6 yrs old the madre would take my birthday money and put it in the bank....I asked every day if I had made a lot of money yet and I wanted it back so I could buy Barbies.
~I had two imaginary friends from age 3-5 yrs. old. Big Allison and Little Allison...don't remember those girls, but I'm sure they got me into trouble.
~I was very stubborn/independant: at 2 yrs old I insisted on dressing myself, made the madre stay in the reception area for my very first hair cut; when the parents would tell me "no" I would shake my head no and then do it anyway
~at 2 yrs old I had a habit of biting the boys in Kindercare. I wasnt in Kindercare for long.
~at 15 months old I was acting like "mommy" to the younger babies in daycare
Not too much has changed since those days. Except I don't pee on the doctors table anymore and when I bite boys they like it...
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| Rockin out as a babe |
11.24.2011
Traditions and reflections...
I was gearing up to post about traditions today! Mainly because I love having those moments of doing the same thing on the same day with the people that I love SO very! Those moments that you pretty much look forward to recreating all year long. Yeah...those! I love them!
Thanksgiving has a very fun and quirky tradition for my family. My family which consists of the Madre, sister, and myself (I do have more family than this...but these two ladies are my life and live closest). Our Thanksgiving festivities started when I first moved South 6 wonderful years ago. We had our first Thanksgiving with the three of us back together again and it would be my first one not spending with our Hotchkiss clan (madre's side of the familia). We realized that the day would be kind of boring with just the three of us so why not spice it up by dressing up??? Dress up we did! The sister and I put on my old prom dresses and Madre threw together some fany clothes in her closet (which ended up being a Stevie Nicks look) and we sat down to a "fancy" Thanksgiving meal. It was a night of great laughs. We had so much fun that we decided to make it a tradition to "dress up".
Each year since we have gone to the Goodwill to scope out the funniest outfits that we can put together. We have made it into a contest and spend weeks before dropping hints at how great our individual outfits are. How we are so sure that we are going to beat the other two. Then on the actuall day we will get dressed five minutes before it's time to sit down for our feast and all walk out of our rooms at the same time....huge amounts of belly laughter usually follows when we show off our finds! It is one of the best traditions that we have!
Some examples of our outfits from a few years back! (I'm posting from the madre's computer and I can actually share pics....yipppeee) Needless to say, we have FUN!
Thanksgiving has a very fun and quirky tradition for my family. My family which consists of the Madre, sister, and myself (I do have more family than this...but these two ladies are my life and live closest). Our Thanksgiving festivities started when I first moved South 6 wonderful years ago. We had our first Thanksgiving with the three of us back together again and it would be my first one not spending with our Hotchkiss clan (madre's side of the familia). We realized that the day would be kind of boring with just the three of us so why not spice it up by dressing up??? Dress up we did! The sister and I put on my old prom dresses and Madre threw together some fany clothes in her closet (which ended up being a Stevie Nicks look) and we sat down to a "fancy" Thanksgiving meal. It was a night of great laughs. We had so much fun that we decided to make it a tradition to "dress up".
Each year since we have gone to the Goodwill to scope out the funniest outfits that we can put together. We have made it into a contest and spend weeks before dropping hints at how great our individual outfits are. How we are so sure that we are going to beat the other two. Then on the actuall day we will get dressed five minutes before it's time to sit down for our feast and all walk out of our rooms at the same time....huge amounts of belly laughter usually follows when we show off our finds! It is one of the best traditions that we have!
So, as I was so excited when I first awoke this morning for a day full of laughter I was soon greeted with sadness! A reminder that life is really really short and we need to give THANKS for each day that we are blessed with! A reminder to tell those people in my life whom I love dearly, exactly that, that I love them! Life can be taken away from us in an instant and it's important that we take time each day to remember how very lucky we are to get another day in life. So, I've been doing exactly that, telling people how much I care and love for them and I don't care if it's mushy and sentimental because I think it's important that they know! It's important that we say how we feel and we say it as often as we can because we don't know if we will be here tomorrow!
My heart is breaking for a friend today who unfortunately is experiencing a level of loss that I can not even imagine. A good man lost his life last night. A man that I met several times and shared laughter with. A man that clearly loved my dear friend and wanted to spend his life with her. And I can't help but feel in shock that this tragedy really happened! It is surreal and devastating!!! It doesn't seem fair and all that I want to do is to wrap my arms around my friend and take this pain away from her. But, you can't do that and God does have his plans. Even if we don't understand them at the moment.
So, as everyone is hopefully spending this day with those that they love and cherish...tell them exactly how you feel! If you can't be with those people today, call them and let them know that you love them! You really never know when it will be your last chance to do so.Take the time to be grateful for being blessed with another day on Earth! Don't waste these moments that we are given on petty things and take this time to reflect on the good in your life! Life is short...dont waste it.
I sincerely hope that everyone enjoys their day today and that you have some of your very own fun traditions that you're looking forward to today! Now off to finish cooking, drinking, and spending this time with two women that mean the absolute world to me...
11.20.2011
Random...
I like to occasionally check my "stats" on my blog. Call it vain if you will, but I like to see that people actually read this! It makes me feel good. Whatever...judge away.
Anyways, I just took a glance at my stats and found one of the traffic sources to be a site about convertible cribs. No joke! Http://convertible-cribs.info. I find this very odd! I don't think my blog has anything to do with convertibles, cribs, or cribs that convert to big boy/girl beds. I'm starting to wonder how legit this "stats" business is! Naturally I clicked on the traffic source to check it out...you know see how someone interested in cribs that will last until the kids off to college could get linked to my blog. Yeah, still no clue how that one happened, but I sure hope that person enjoyed what they read.
And that my friends is a glimpse into my random brain. Goodnight...
Anyways, I just took a glance at my stats and found one of the traffic sources to be a site about convertible cribs. No joke! Http://convertible-cribs.info. I find this very odd! I don't think my blog has anything to do with convertibles, cribs, or cribs that convert to big boy/girl beds. I'm starting to wonder how legit this "stats" business is! Naturally I clicked on the traffic source to check it out...you know see how someone interested in cribs that will last until the kids off to college could get linked to my blog. Yeah, still no clue how that one happened, but I sure hope that person enjoyed what they read.
And that my friends is a glimpse into my random brain. Goodnight...
11.13.2011
My cab ride turned into a session with a psychic...
And I wish this was a joke!!! It's not.
I don't know if I would call Mr. Cabbie a psychic, but he pretty much knew my life story and wanted to tell me all about it on our 45 minute drive to my destination. This was a very bizarre experience to say the least!
But, first let's go back to the beginning of my night. A friend and I decided to do a little something out of our normal routine. A trip to Savannah to people watch and enjoy some cocktails and it was a great night until I was ready to leave. It's always tricky when one person is really getting into the groove of fun and the other person is ready to tap out. However, that's exactly the predicament we found ourselves in and that's how I ended up walking out of the bar, finding a cop to help me get a taxi (I'm not a complete idiot and wasn't about to roam the streets at midnight all by myself), and getting into Mr. Psychics cab.
I was a little (okay a lot) nervous about being by myself at that hour and taking a 45 minute cab ride home and I'm sure Mr. Cabbie picked up on my nervous energy and that's why he probably thought it was a great idea to start a conversation. I really wasn't in the mood to talk, but I'm a polite person and made all of the proper responses. Meanwhile I'm feverishly praying that he doesn't pull over on some seedy side road and murder me (I have an active imagination and this increased after he asked for the money up front)!
So, the polite conversation continues and then he asks me when my birthday is. I was very taken aback on this question and didn't want to give him my birthday, but he insisted. This is when shit gets weird and he starts telling me things about my life. I am skeptical of psychics and such, but it is startling when a stranger can tell you about things that happened in your past. Especially when all the information you have shared is your birthday and that you lived in Bluffton and to not take 95 because that would cost more money. I'm not sure how one could get that I had a major life change 6 years ago and left someone I loved from that information, but he sure did! He shared much more, but I'm not willing to share with y'all (some things need to remain private). Unless you're psychic as well and then I don't have to tell you anyways because you'll just end up telling me about my life!
He left me with this bit of information though: "you are masculine and very ambitious, but you need to be more feminine when it comes to love because a man wants a female." Now his English was not perfect so I'm going to interpret masculine as independent, but I responded with "you're probably right".
I don't know if I would call Mr. Cabbie a psychic, but he pretty much knew my life story and wanted to tell me all about it on our 45 minute drive to my destination. This was a very bizarre experience to say the least!
But, first let's go back to the beginning of my night. A friend and I decided to do a little something out of our normal routine. A trip to Savannah to people watch and enjoy some cocktails and it was a great night until I was ready to leave. It's always tricky when one person is really getting into the groove of fun and the other person is ready to tap out. However, that's exactly the predicament we found ourselves in and that's how I ended up walking out of the bar, finding a cop to help me get a taxi (I'm not a complete idiot and wasn't about to roam the streets at midnight all by myself), and getting into Mr. Psychics cab.
I was a little (okay a lot) nervous about being by myself at that hour and taking a 45 minute cab ride home and I'm sure Mr. Cabbie picked up on my nervous energy and that's why he probably thought it was a great idea to start a conversation. I really wasn't in the mood to talk, but I'm a polite person and made all of the proper responses. Meanwhile I'm feverishly praying that he doesn't pull over on some seedy side road and murder me (I have an active imagination and this increased after he asked for the money up front)!
So, the polite conversation continues and then he asks me when my birthday is. I was very taken aback on this question and didn't want to give him my birthday, but he insisted. This is when shit gets weird and he starts telling me things about my life. I am skeptical of psychics and such, but it is startling when a stranger can tell you about things that happened in your past. Especially when all the information you have shared is your birthday and that you lived in Bluffton and to not take 95 because that would cost more money. I'm not sure how one could get that I had a major life change 6 years ago and left someone I loved from that information, but he sure did! He shared much more, but I'm not willing to share with y'all (some things need to remain private). Unless you're psychic as well and then I don't have to tell you anyways because you'll just end up telling me about my life!
He left me with this bit of information though: "you are masculine and very ambitious, but you need to be more feminine when it comes to love because a man wants a female." Now his English was not perfect so I'm going to interpret masculine as independent, but I responded with "you're probably right".
10.29.2011
A little front porch sitting...
disclaimer-I'm going to attempt a Saturday regular of my thoughts entitled "a little front porch sitting". We will see how long it lasts. Also, this may or may not be a long one!
October is slipping through my fingers. I feel as if I posted about my love for this month yesterday! Time is really going by entirely too fast. Why is it as we get older time seems to hit the fast forward button? I guess it is just greater affirmation that we need to enjoy the moment we are in and not focus on the past or future because if we do that we are missing out on the moments in front of our face. I need to keep reminding myself of this! "Time...it's the most valuable thing you have and it's always depreciating!" ~words from a dear friend.
Being present minded...I wish it wasn't easier said than done! You can attempt to move forward, but you'll have those people in your life that will pull you into the past. They will not let go of moments and they will find ways to remind you of those moments! They kind of remind me of quicksand because no matter how much you struggle to get up and move on, they will hold on with a fierce grip and pull you down back into those memories.
So, yet again life has slapped me in the face with another lesson learned! Don't put your energy into friendships when these "friends" don't reciprocate the energy. Friendship is a two way street and if people can't accept you for who you are (good, bad, and indifferent) they are not a true friend. If they can't forgive (don't expect them to forget though)it is probably better to move forward. "Friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway."~ unknown
I like to think that I'm pretty logical when it comes to life. I can own up to the wrong that I have done. For me there is no sense in denying it because we all will do wrong and cause grief or heartache for others in our life. Most of the time it is not intentional and there is some underlying emotion that brings our ugly side out. Some skeleton in the closet that likes to rear it's ugly head from time to time. By no means does it make those actions okay! And maybe not...maybe your life is straight rainbows and unicorns and you have never caused hurt for someone else! Doubtful though.
I also realize there is a fine line in this particular life lesson of mine. When someone owns up to their struggles that person has to make an effort to change it. The other party can only put up with things for so long before it becomes too much. I get this and probably understand this better than they do. Because I went through it...I was the other person putting up with someone struggling. Albeit a different type of relationship, but there comes a time when you either cut that person out of your life or you accept them for who they are and you CAN'T continuously punish them or bring up the past. Holding onto to those moments doesn't do anyone any good. It just causes pain for the person trying to change and for the person holding the grudge, it poisons your soul.
If you are experiencing a struggle in a relationship of yours and despite what side you are on, ask yourself, Is it time to cut my losses or forgive? Either way you must move forward! Holding onto the past will only break you down. Work on today so that your tomorrow can be a better one! Forgive others and yourself when you fall because we will always fall. It's how you handle picking yourself up that shows your strength.
For those of you who have come into my life and left...thank you! For those who have come into my life and stayed...thank you! You have each taught me a valuable lesson in life and have made me a better and stronger person. I am forever grateful for those lessons, even if they were painful ones!
Here's to moving FORWARD...
October is slipping through my fingers. I feel as if I posted about my love for this month yesterday! Time is really going by entirely too fast. Why is it as we get older time seems to hit the fast forward button? I guess it is just greater affirmation that we need to enjoy the moment we are in and not focus on the past or future because if we do that we are missing out on the moments in front of our face. I need to keep reminding myself of this! "Time...it's the most valuable thing you have and it's always depreciating!" ~words from a dear friend.
Being present minded...I wish it wasn't easier said than done! You can attempt to move forward, but you'll have those people in your life that will pull you into the past. They will not let go of moments and they will find ways to remind you of those moments! They kind of remind me of quicksand because no matter how much you struggle to get up and move on, they will hold on with a fierce grip and pull you down back into those memories.
So, yet again life has slapped me in the face with another lesson learned! Don't put your energy into friendships when these "friends" don't reciprocate the energy. Friendship is a two way street and if people can't accept you for who you are (good, bad, and indifferent) they are not a true friend. If they can't forgive (don't expect them to forget though)it is probably better to move forward. "Friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway."~ unknown
I like to think that I'm pretty logical when it comes to life. I can own up to the wrong that I have done. For me there is no sense in denying it because we all will do wrong and cause grief or heartache for others in our life. Most of the time it is not intentional and there is some underlying emotion that brings our ugly side out. Some skeleton in the closet that likes to rear it's ugly head from time to time. By no means does it make those actions okay! And maybe not...maybe your life is straight rainbows and unicorns and you have never caused hurt for someone else! Doubtful though.
I also realize there is a fine line in this particular life lesson of mine. When someone owns up to their struggles that person has to make an effort to change it. The other party can only put up with things for so long before it becomes too much. I get this and probably understand this better than they do. Because I went through it...I was the other person putting up with someone struggling. Albeit a different type of relationship, but there comes a time when you either cut that person out of your life or you accept them for who they are and you CAN'T continuously punish them or bring up the past. Holding onto to those moments doesn't do anyone any good. It just causes pain for the person trying to change and for the person holding the grudge, it poisons your soul.
If you are experiencing a struggle in a relationship of yours and despite what side you are on, ask yourself, Is it time to cut my losses or forgive? Either way you must move forward! Holding onto the past will only break you down. Work on today so that your tomorrow can be a better one! Forgive others and yourself when you fall because we will always fall. It's how you handle picking yourself up that shows your strength.
For those of you who have come into my life and left...thank you! For those who have come into my life and stayed...thank you! You have each taught me a valuable lesson in life and have made me a better and stronger person. I am forever grateful for those lessons, even if they were painful ones!
Here's to moving FORWARD...
10.17.2011
Happy 6 years...
I really should have written this post last month, but for whatever reason I wasn't really in the writing mood in September. Also, to be honest it didn't dawn on me until about a week ago or so that I had my 6 year anniversary!
Six years ago on a September morning I awoke with a raging headache (partly hungover and partly from a night spent crying my eyes out) and said my goodbyes to the boy I spent 6 years of my life with. I got into my car that held whatever personal items I could possibly shove into it and drove away from a life I had started to build in my first place.
I anticipated the feeling of a deep sadness growing with each hour that I drove further away from the life I had grown so accustomed to. Instead, each hour that passed another weight lifted and I had this feeling of freedom and excitement! I wasn't prepared for that at all and ironically enough my surge of happiness kind of made me sad. Strange how that happens, isn't it?
Later that evening we arrived to Charleston, SC, the city that welcomed me with open arms and took me on a wonderful journey! The city that brought me some of the best friends a girl could ask for. The place that I learned how to let go of an unhealthy relationship (the process wasn't always easy). The place where I finally realized the importance of making myself happy first. So many fun and memorable times and moments that I will always cherish! Charleston will always have a special place in my heart and thankfully I'm only 2 hours away and can visit whenever I want.
You're probably wondering why I would leave a place that I talk so highly of? That is how life works. It takes you on a journey and throws other options your way. I had a chance to make a good career decision and Hilton Head had an allure to it, so I chose to see where this new place would take me. I admit I hated it the first year and moved 15 minutes away to Bluffton the next year. Bluffton has been really good to me and I love this place as well!
Anyways, I'm getting slightly off track.
Six years ago I made the hardest and BEST decision of my life! I left my comfort zone and the person that I loved so very much. The person I fought to make it work with until I was just so emotionally exhausted and started losing sight of who I was. I thought I would crumble into a million pieces leaving him. I thought my stay would be a six month to a year experience and then we would get back together with a renewed love. That is until I got in my car and started driving. Until I arrived to this new place that immediately became my home. Until I realized that I completely lost who I was. What a great feeling it is to get yourself back again!
So, Happy 6 Years to my new life and what a glorious life it is...
Six years ago on a September morning I awoke with a raging headache (partly hungover and partly from a night spent crying my eyes out) and said my goodbyes to the boy I spent 6 years of my life with. I got into my car that held whatever personal items I could possibly shove into it and drove away from a life I had started to build in my first place.
I anticipated the feeling of a deep sadness growing with each hour that I drove further away from the life I had grown so accustomed to. Instead, each hour that passed another weight lifted and I had this feeling of freedom and excitement! I wasn't prepared for that at all and ironically enough my surge of happiness kind of made me sad. Strange how that happens, isn't it?
Later that evening we arrived to Charleston, SC, the city that welcomed me with open arms and took me on a wonderful journey! The city that brought me some of the best friends a girl could ask for. The place that I learned how to let go of an unhealthy relationship (the process wasn't always easy). The place where I finally realized the importance of making myself happy first. So many fun and memorable times and moments that I will always cherish! Charleston will always have a special place in my heart and thankfully I'm only 2 hours away and can visit whenever I want.
You're probably wondering why I would leave a place that I talk so highly of? That is how life works. It takes you on a journey and throws other options your way. I had a chance to make a good career decision and Hilton Head had an allure to it, so I chose to see where this new place would take me. I admit I hated it the first year and moved 15 minutes away to Bluffton the next year. Bluffton has been really good to me and I love this place as well!
Anyways, I'm getting slightly off track.
Six years ago I made the hardest and BEST decision of my life! I left my comfort zone and the person that I loved so very much. The person I fought to make it work with until I was just so emotionally exhausted and started losing sight of who I was. I thought I would crumble into a million pieces leaving him. I thought my stay would be a six month to a year experience and then we would get back together with a renewed love. That is until I got in my car and started driving. Until I arrived to this new place that immediately became my home. Until I realized that I completely lost who I was. What a great feeling it is to get yourself back again!
So, Happy 6 Years to my new life and what a glorious life it is...
10.11.2011
fall in love with yourself...
I'm going to give a little dating advice here. Which may seem quite hilarious if you've read any of my posts about my dating life! But, I have found (my opinion) I am an excellent advice giver and a horrible advice taker. I think that goes for a lot of people, but I really love giving advice and like to think I'm pretty good at it. So, anyways, when a dear friend of mine asked for advice or really just vented her frustration, I was all about giving some advice. Which got me to thinking I should share with whatever few readers I have...
I think what I'm about to share is not a secret to anyone, but something that is VERY important for every person to live by and something people ignore. The ONLY way to be happy in a relationship is to first be happy with YOU!!! Do not ever go looking for a relationship so that other person can be responsible for YOUR happiness! That is a heavy responsibility and one that the other person will surely fail at over time. Not only because it will be exhausting for them to continuously try to make you happy, but because you will find that you're still not really happy even though you have this person that you thought would change your world. It may bring about a false sense of happiness that can last some time, but at some point you will realize you're creating more heartache for yourself and probably driving that person you "love" insane in the process. It isn't fair for either individual involved.
I'm not saying you have to get all conceded and narcissistic...in fact don't do that because that is also a recipe for disaster in relationships. But, DO take time to figure out what makes you happy and fall in love with yourself. Be confident in who you are and find happiness within yourself! I can't tell you exactly how to do this, but I know it involves a lot of self reflection.
Women in particular should heed this advice because we are the ones forever chasing that Prince Charming fairytale. Looking for that man to sweep us off our feet and give us our "happily ever after". This often has us focus on everything BUT what we really want and what really makes us happy with who we are as people. Because once you are truly happy with you, it is bound to open up more opportunity to meet and fall in love with the right person and really have that happily ever after!
"When you LOVE yourself and ACCEPT yourself, you won't have to go seeking love and acceptance. IT WILL FIND YOU!" - the single woman
I've got the loving myself thing down; now I just need to figure out how to not be allergic to relationships...
I think what I'm about to share is not a secret to anyone, but something that is VERY important for every person to live by and something people ignore. The ONLY way to be happy in a relationship is to first be happy with YOU!!! Do not ever go looking for a relationship so that other person can be responsible for YOUR happiness! That is a heavy responsibility and one that the other person will surely fail at over time. Not only because it will be exhausting for them to continuously try to make you happy, but because you will find that you're still not really happy even though you have this person that you thought would change your world. It may bring about a false sense of happiness that can last some time, but at some point you will realize you're creating more heartache for yourself and probably driving that person you "love" insane in the process. It isn't fair for either individual involved.
I'm not saying you have to get all conceded and narcissistic...in fact don't do that because that is also a recipe for disaster in relationships. But, DO take time to figure out what makes you happy and fall in love with yourself. Be confident in who you are and find happiness within yourself! I can't tell you exactly how to do this, but I know it involves a lot of self reflection.
Women in particular should heed this advice because we are the ones forever chasing that Prince Charming fairytale. Looking for that man to sweep us off our feet and give us our "happily ever after". This often has us focus on everything BUT what we really want and what really makes us happy with who we are as people. Because once you are truly happy with you, it is bound to open up more opportunity to meet and fall in love with the right person and really have that happily ever after!
"When you LOVE yourself and ACCEPT yourself, you won't have to go seeking love and acceptance. IT WILL FIND YOU!" - the single woman
I've got the loving myself thing down; now I just need to figure out how to not be allergic to relationships...
10.06.2011
A little front porch sitting...
Have I told you before how much I love my front porch? I could only improve it by getting one of those comfy single hammock swings and have water front property instead of being a street away, but I make do.
I've been having a lot of: I'm so in love with life moments! I'm not sure where it's coming from, but I sure am grateful for these moments. They are almost overwhelming and will just pop up unexpectedly. Like when I'm driving down the road with my windows down and the music up. Or like right now, on my front porch with a big glass of Chardonnay and the cool breeze blowing.
Despite the struggles one may be faced with you have to find some joy in each and every day! Even if it is just a tiny moment...enjoy the ever living daylights out of that moment. Life is just way too short to not soak in as much joy as you can! I think when you start really focusing on those small good moments in each day you will find that you'll have more good than bad.
I hope you have an I'm so in love with life moment soon because they are glorious...
I've been having a lot of: I'm so in love with life moments! I'm not sure where it's coming from, but I sure am grateful for these moments. They are almost overwhelming and will just pop up unexpectedly. Like when I'm driving down the road with my windows down and the music up. Or like right now, on my front porch with a big glass of Chardonnay and the cool breeze blowing.
Despite the struggles one may be faced with you have to find some joy in each and every day! Even if it is just a tiny moment...enjoy the ever living daylights out of that moment. Life is just way too short to not soak in as much joy as you can! I think when you start really focusing on those small good moments in each day you will find that you'll have more good than bad.
I hope you have an I'm so in love with life moment soon because they are glorious...
10.01.2011
Happy October...
It's a sunny and chilly 67 degrees this fine first day of October! One of my very fave months of the year. The time when fall really feels like it's setting in. When we can start making all those delish cooler weather foods that you don't really want to eat when it's a sweltering 100 degrees out; like soups and chilli. When my drink of choice switches from vodka and water to bourbon and coke or ginger ale. It makes you want to snuggle a little closer to your flame of the month (or if you're into relationships your significant other)! A time when my weekend porch sessions welcome a delish big cup of coffee instead of resulting in a puddle of sweat. Don't get me wrong, I'm also wildly in love with summer, but there is something about Fall that makes my heart extremely happy!
Happy first day of October...
Happy first day of October...
9.25.2011
Ooops...
I did it again! I developed feelings for someone. Or maybe not so much feelings, but the feeling that I lost control of the situation? I think that could be be it. I felt in control and when I'm in control of where things are heading I'm comfortable. The minute that the guy starts to take the reigns of the situation, I lose all comfort. I begin to second guess myself and I very much do not like that feeling.
I am a complicated one and I know this! I have to work on allowing my heart to be open. It's just when I feel like I'm opening my heart is when people walk all over it. I don't know how to play the dating game. The minute I start to really care about someone, that is it...I will end up caring for them throughout my existence. That is unless they are extremely mean to me and make me hate them. Which is a hard thing to do because I rarely hate people! I want to find the good in everyone! I want to think that we all have our moments where we aren't shining stars and we treat others poorly, but deep down we are good! That is the fool in me!
I'm beginning to think that I'm destined to remain single. Not that I would be terribly upset by this because I know that I will live a happy and successful life with or without someone. It's just that with my experiences, dating isn't working in my favor. Of course one could argue that I simply haven't met the one that is for me. This also could be true, but with what I have to choose from in my area...I'm going to say that I'll probably have to move to actually find who is right for me! I'm not ready to move.
So, now I'm feeling like I have no choice but to put the walls back up...
9.23.2011
Blum's Dirty 30...
Quite possibly the BEST long weekend vacation of my life thus far!!! The planning for a trip to celebrate the life of my very dear friend started months ago. We talked about a few places that she was thinking about venturing to and Miami kept making an appearance. So, MA and I decided we would make a fb invite for Blum's Dirty 30 to Miami. Turns out that only the three of us could make the trip and I almost had to miss out due to my car troubles. Thank you baby Jesus for making it all work out!
From the plane ride to Miami till the plane ride home it was just one crazy situation after the next. Making for great memories that I think back on and wonder, "Did that really happen!!" YES and YES. Amazing, ridiculous, belly laughing GOOD TIMES! It really was the best place to celebrate a 30th birthday. A new decade that I am positive is going to be even better than her 20's if the start of her 30's is any indication to the rest of it. A time when she really knows what she wants and doesn't have those insecurities that come with your 20's. I'm excited for her future because I just know so many amazing things are to come!!!
Back to the trip:
The hotel that was stayed in was amazing and I recommend anyone wanting to spend time in South Beach to stay at the Shore Club. You won't be sorry! The lobby was even beautiful and smelled so delish. The outside area leading to the pool made you feel like you were in the tropics and the pool itself was really nice with beds and chairs all around. You can spend your days by the pool where it is pretty much a party each day, where people who aren't staying at the hotel will come to and at night they have a club at the hotel and the outside area gets filled with people and music. You wouldn't have to leave the hotel if you didn't want to, but of course we had to explore!
The first night we met some guys who were Miami veterans and offered to take us to a club. Little did we know that they went to college with the guy who owns most of the clubs...score! We ended up getting in VIP at club Set and spent four hours dancing until our feet hurt. Rather I danced until I got serious blisters, Blum spent most of her time dancing and MA was time traveling ;) After the club I convinced most of our group to take a dip in the ocean. That night didn't end until 6 am.
The next day was A-mazing and we were pool side until close to sun down. We met some super fun people and a few guys who were also celebrating their 30th! The sun was shining, music blaring, and drinks flowing all day. I would really like to live that moment over and over again! I also wish that I could share the pics on here, but STILL haven't figured out how to. Anyways, the day really was amazing and after a few hours napping and getting ready, we had another ridiculously free and fun night! Met some awesome Brits in the outside bar of our hotel and played a few hours of Never Have I Ever! Best ice breaker ever!!! Then around 2am it was time to go to a club. Yup...you read right...2 AM! Ridiculous right? I mean, totally not my normal life, but it's Miami and the night life doesn't really get going until way late. We were living the Miami life and doing it spectacularly, if I may say so myself. This night did not end until 8:30 am.
Day 3: All day at an Irish Pub that wasn't very Irish watching college football and drinking. Had to take a break from the sun. A nice stroll on the beach to watch the sunset. Which, aside from the late night/very early morning dip in the ocean, was the only beach time we had in Miami. We had our first actual meal out that night as well at the restaurant Nobu (delish sushi...go there if you find yourself in South Beach) and then I had to call it a night around 1 am because fiby was being rude and wanted to join me on the trip! The girls had an interesting night at the club in our hotel where MA really thought she was getting free drinks from an Italian Mob king (I still get a good laugh thinking about it...sorry MA).
On our last day in paradise we didn't have to head to the airport until 4pm, so we had plenty of time to play poolside. It was a great afternoon and a perfect end to an amazing trip! At the airport we had to part ways with Blum because she was flying on a different airline. After saying our goodbyes and the long-ish line through security (where I got selected to go through the body scan...I've seen images of those before and they leave little to the imagination! Hope Mr. Airport Security man got what he wanted), MA and I had one last adventure at one of the airport restaraunts. We each got a super fruity cocktail to really end Miami right and started conversation with a random guy who plopped next to me. If you ever want to start talking to a stranger who orders a bloody Mary at 5 in the afternoon just say, "oh so you're REALLY hungover huh?". It worked like a charm. So much so that we ended our convo before he had to catch his flight back to Texas with "We're in love, let's fly to Vegas next weekend and get married!" and this was even after I laughed at him and said "well that's embarrassing" when he shared that during his first real jujitsu fight (I know there is a name for this and I can't remember it for the life of me) he got knocked out on the first punch. He even gave me a big kiss...TWICE! Because he liked my soft lips so much he had to have another. His words...not mine. AMAZINGLY random and superb send off to end my stay in Miami!
Thank you Blum for picking Miami and being 30 and fabulous!!!! Best.trip.EVER!
From the plane ride to Miami till the plane ride home it was just one crazy situation after the next. Making for great memories that I think back on and wonder, "Did that really happen!!" YES and YES. Amazing, ridiculous, belly laughing GOOD TIMES! It really was the best place to celebrate a 30th birthday. A new decade that I am positive is going to be even better than her 20's if the start of her 30's is any indication to the rest of it. A time when she really knows what she wants and doesn't have those insecurities that come with your 20's. I'm excited for her future because I just know so many amazing things are to come!!!
Back to the trip:
The hotel that was stayed in was amazing and I recommend anyone wanting to spend time in South Beach to stay at the Shore Club. You won't be sorry! The lobby was even beautiful and smelled so delish. The outside area leading to the pool made you feel like you were in the tropics and the pool itself was really nice with beds and chairs all around. You can spend your days by the pool where it is pretty much a party each day, where people who aren't staying at the hotel will come to and at night they have a club at the hotel and the outside area gets filled with people and music. You wouldn't have to leave the hotel if you didn't want to, but of course we had to explore!
The first night we met some guys who were Miami veterans and offered to take us to a club. Little did we know that they went to college with the guy who owns most of the clubs...score! We ended up getting in VIP at club Set and spent four hours dancing until our feet hurt. Rather I danced until I got serious blisters, Blum spent most of her time dancing and MA was time traveling ;) After the club I convinced most of our group to take a dip in the ocean. That night didn't end until 6 am.
The next day was A-mazing and we were pool side until close to sun down. We met some super fun people and a few guys who were also celebrating their 30th! The sun was shining, music blaring, and drinks flowing all day. I would really like to live that moment over and over again! I also wish that I could share the pics on here, but STILL haven't figured out how to. Anyways, the day really was amazing and after a few hours napping and getting ready, we had another ridiculously free and fun night! Met some awesome Brits in the outside bar of our hotel and played a few hours of Never Have I Ever! Best ice breaker ever!!! Then around 2am it was time to go to a club. Yup...you read right...2 AM! Ridiculous right? I mean, totally not my normal life, but it's Miami and the night life doesn't really get going until way late. We were living the Miami life and doing it spectacularly, if I may say so myself. This night did not end until 8:30 am.
Day 3: All day at an Irish Pub that wasn't very Irish watching college football and drinking. Had to take a break from the sun. A nice stroll on the beach to watch the sunset. Which, aside from the late night/very early morning dip in the ocean, was the only beach time we had in Miami. We had our first actual meal out that night as well at the restaurant Nobu (delish sushi...go there if you find yourself in South Beach) and then I had to call it a night around 1 am because fiby was being rude and wanted to join me on the trip! The girls had an interesting night at the club in our hotel where MA really thought she was getting free drinks from an Italian Mob king (I still get a good laugh thinking about it...sorry MA).
On our last day in paradise we didn't have to head to the airport until 4pm, so we had plenty of time to play poolside. It was a great afternoon and a perfect end to an amazing trip! At the airport we had to part ways with Blum because she was flying on a different airline. After saying our goodbyes and the long-ish line through security (where I got selected to go through the body scan...I've seen images of those before and they leave little to the imagination! Hope Mr. Airport Security man got what he wanted), MA and I had one last adventure at one of the airport restaraunts. We each got a super fruity cocktail to really end Miami right and started conversation with a random guy who plopped next to me. If you ever want to start talking to a stranger who orders a bloody Mary at 5 in the afternoon just say, "oh so you're REALLY hungover huh?". It worked like a charm. So much so that we ended our convo before he had to catch his flight back to Texas with "We're in love, let's fly to Vegas next weekend and get married!" and this was even after I laughed at him and said "well that's embarrassing" when he shared that during his first real jujitsu fight (I know there is a name for this and I can't remember it for the life of me) he got knocked out on the first punch. He even gave me a big kiss...TWICE! Because he liked my soft lips so much he had to have another. His words...not mine. AMAZINGLY random and superb send off to end my stay in Miami!
Thank you Blum for picking Miami and being 30 and fabulous!!!! Best.trip.EVER!
9.10.2011
One hell of a roller coaster ride...
The emotional kind that is! And all over bad gas. Yup, I said it, bad gas! Not the bodily kind...I know where you're minds are going! I'm talking about the kind that you fill your car up with.
Two weeks ago, I made a trip to visit a dear friend. It was one of those moral support kind of weekends and if I would have known the hell I would endure during the trip (all due to the car); I'd absolutely do it again...a thousand times over. Because that's what friends are for. To be your support during hard times. Anyways, back to the real story here.
I stayed that Sunday longer than I normally do and decided to head home around 5pm. Got in my little car and went to the gas station around the corner from her house. Filled that sucker up with regular unleaded gas and went on my merry way. Two minutes down the road and my car starts to slow down. My thought process: well, I AM driving up a hill...step on the gas. Okay, little car stepping on the gas means speed up NOT slow down. FUCK! It's gonna die. Let's make it to the next side road...come on little girl I know you can do it! I successfully made it to the side road, but barely. From that point...I tried starting her up again and she would start but immediately shut off. The engine just a shaking away and making a loud pop each time i tried. About an hour later, plenty of tears, one random man that gave me his business card so I would know he wasn't going to try any funny business (true story), and my dear friends coming to the rescue...my car was being towed away to be fixed the next day.
Only it wasn't fixed that Monday and was told to give it one more day because they didn't quite figure out what was wrong yet. Another day of missed work and that Tuesday morning they tell me they are going to tow the car to another mechanic who works on Hondas. Kevin, the very nice new mechanic told me he would try to fix it by 4 that day so I could get back home. He calls me around noon to tell me he pulled a sample of the gas and it was diesel or ethanol. Whatever it was it was BAD and tore my car up!
I made my friend drive me to the gas station so that I could try to remember the steps I took when filling up. I wanted to make sure I didn't accidentally put diesel in my car. After talking to the manager and getting a copy of the receipt that showed regular gas; the next stop was talking to the owner of the station and letting him know he would be paying for my car repair.
Well, that turned into a whole mess of its own. Ended up having to rent a car so that I wouldn't miss anymore work because Kevin wouldn't have my car ready until the next day. Spent the next few days going back and forth with the owner who went from saying he'd cover half, to all of it plus the rental, to none because he didn't feel it was his bad gas. He told me it could have been the tank of gas I filled up on or someone tampering with my car. After many phone calls, emails, and tears I got him to FINALLY agree to pay for the damages and rental car. Had it set up where my friends would pick up my car and Kevin calls me back saying, tell your friends to hold on because the car is broke AGAIN! Turns out bad gas will melt the cadilac converter and that would be $1100 to fix. Thankfully my dear friend (who is a guy and can talk car talk) came to the rescue and hooked me up with a way to fix that problem for $25! Done and done! I knew there was NO way that the owner of the gas station would pay for that repair as well and I just wanted the mess to be over with.
Spent the next weekend back with my friend and got my little car back. She is doing well and only gave me one scare on the way back home when she didn't want to start after getting gas at BP. I was ready to sell her at that point, but she's getting me around town so I'll keep her for a little while longer.
The moral of this story: don't buy bad gas! If it says it has 10% ethanol in the gas they can actually get away with it being more than that and it will tear up your car if it isn't meant to run on ethanol. And, stick to your guns about holding people accountable for doing the right thing. If your a girl, tears do work if you need to resort to that!
The cherry on top of that oh so fun week: my fridge died while I was out of town and had to throw everything away...
Two weeks ago, I made a trip to visit a dear friend. It was one of those moral support kind of weekends and if I would have known the hell I would endure during the trip (all due to the car); I'd absolutely do it again...a thousand times over. Because that's what friends are for. To be your support during hard times. Anyways, back to the real story here.
I stayed that Sunday longer than I normally do and decided to head home around 5pm. Got in my little car and went to the gas station around the corner from her house. Filled that sucker up with regular unleaded gas and went on my merry way. Two minutes down the road and my car starts to slow down. My thought process: well, I AM driving up a hill...step on the gas. Okay, little car stepping on the gas means speed up NOT slow down. FUCK! It's gonna die. Let's make it to the next side road...come on little girl I know you can do it! I successfully made it to the side road, but barely. From that point...I tried starting her up again and she would start but immediately shut off. The engine just a shaking away and making a loud pop each time i tried. About an hour later, plenty of tears, one random man that gave me his business card so I would know he wasn't going to try any funny business (true story), and my dear friends coming to the rescue...my car was being towed away to be fixed the next day.
Only it wasn't fixed that Monday and was told to give it one more day because they didn't quite figure out what was wrong yet. Another day of missed work and that Tuesday morning they tell me they are going to tow the car to another mechanic who works on Hondas. Kevin, the very nice new mechanic told me he would try to fix it by 4 that day so I could get back home. He calls me around noon to tell me he pulled a sample of the gas and it was diesel or ethanol. Whatever it was it was BAD and tore my car up!
I made my friend drive me to the gas station so that I could try to remember the steps I took when filling up. I wanted to make sure I didn't accidentally put diesel in my car. After talking to the manager and getting a copy of the receipt that showed regular gas; the next stop was talking to the owner of the station and letting him know he would be paying for my car repair.
Well, that turned into a whole mess of its own. Ended up having to rent a car so that I wouldn't miss anymore work because Kevin wouldn't have my car ready until the next day. Spent the next few days going back and forth with the owner who went from saying he'd cover half, to all of it plus the rental, to none because he didn't feel it was his bad gas. He told me it could have been the tank of gas I filled up on or someone tampering with my car. After many phone calls, emails, and tears I got him to FINALLY agree to pay for the damages and rental car. Had it set up where my friends would pick up my car and Kevin calls me back saying, tell your friends to hold on because the car is broke AGAIN! Turns out bad gas will melt the cadilac converter and that would be $1100 to fix. Thankfully my dear friend (who is a guy and can talk car talk) came to the rescue and hooked me up with a way to fix that problem for $25! Done and done! I knew there was NO way that the owner of the gas station would pay for that repair as well and I just wanted the mess to be over with.
Spent the next weekend back with my friend and got my little car back. She is doing well and only gave me one scare on the way back home when she didn't want to start after getting gas at BP. I was ready to sell her at that point, but she's getting me around town so I'll keep her for a little while longer.
The moral of this story: don't buy bad gas! If it says it has 10% ethanol in the gas they can actually get away with it being more than that and it will tear up your car if it isn't meant to run on ethanol. And, stick to your guns about holding people accountable for doing the right thing. If your a girl, tears do work if you need to resort to that!
The cherry on top of that oh so fun week: my fridge died while I was out of town and had to throw everything away...
8.24.2011
Dear Fiby...
I feel a flare up coming on. My stress has been through the roof (which honestly isn't out of the norm as I stress rather easily) and I'm probably pushing myself to do too much. I have a habit of pushing my limits. I guess this is my stubborn nature. I don't want to let fiby stop me from doing anything. However, the way I'm starting to feel and know what this feeling usually leads to (complete agony); I should probably listen to my body and pace myself.
I'm not really looking forward to what the next few days are going to feel like. The stiffness is settling in, the sensation of burning liquid is flowing through my veins, my brain isn't allowing thoughts to process or words to flow freely, and the exhaustion is taking over. And this is just the beginning! I just hope it doesn't last long because I've got a life to live and fiby is just going to have to get over being an attention whore.
I could really go for a hot bubble bath followed by an extremely attractive gentleman massaging me for hours...
I'm not really looking forward to what the next few days are going to feel like. The stiffness is settling in, the sensation of burning liquid is flowing through my veins, my brain isn't allowing thoughts to process or words to flow freely, and the exhaustion is taking over. And this is just the beginning! I just hope it doesn't last long because I've got a life to live and fiby is just going to have to get over being an attention whore.
I could really go for a hot bubble bath followed by an extremely attractive gentleman massaging me for hours...
8.23.2011
Dating cycle...
This is how the cycle works: Clingy is addicted to me, I'm addicted to complicated, rinse and repeat!
Ok...so a month or so ago I was venting on my addiction to complicated. Now I bring you my vent on "Mr.Clingy"!
Mr. Clingy is the majority of any "relationship" (few week fling is more like it) I have had in the past six years. This is the guy that wants to be around me 24/7 and the one that I generally treat like shit. Not on purpose. It's more of a knee jerk reaction for me.
It goes something like this: I meet a guy out and they seem pretty decent, actually hang out or go on a date, date is okay, guy proceeds to call/text frequently, I ignore majority of calls/texts, I don't mind the attention so I hang out with guy again, guy becomes even more persistent about hanging out, I get more annoyed and each time I see guy something new bugs me, my sarcastic behavior increases, guy doesn't back down, now if we hang out I get very tense and in my opinion send all the vibes of "I'm just not that into you", guy continues to want to see me, and it ends by me telling the guy I think you should keep your options open.
The guy I'm currently talking to falls right into the Mr. Clingy category! I met him about two weeks ago and he has literally sent me a text every single day. Always trying to hang out and I guess any normal girl would be thrilled with this. Not me! I'm someone who needs my space to do what I want to do and I'm sure if I was really interested in him that it wouldn't annoy me as much.
Since we have started hanging out I've thought about when is a good time to end it. I guess that means I should just end it then. The sick thing is...I kind of enjoy knowing I have someone in the event I get lonely. This is probably why the Mr. Complicateds get thrown into the mix as my karma for the way I treat the Mr. clingys?!?
I don't know why I attract these type of men? They are either attracted to me like flys to shit or use me to mend their broken hearts.
The madre has suggested I get on a dating site or fork over some cash to have my own matchmaker.
I think I'll stick to being single and have lovers along the way...and yes, I do realize that I'm slightly crazy when it comes to dating...
Ok...so a month or so ago I was venting on my addiction to complicated. Now I bring you my vent on "Mr.Clingy"!
Mr. Clingy is the majority of any "relationship" (few week fling is more like it) I have had in the past six years. This is the guy that wants to be around me 24/7 and the one that I generally treat like shit. Not on purpose. It's more of a knee jerk reaction for me.
It goes something like this: I meet a guy out and they seem pretty decent, actually hang out or go on a date, date is okay, guy proceeds to call/text frequently, I ignore majority of calls/texts, I don't mind the attention so I hang out with guy again, guy becomes even more persistent about hanging out, I get more annoyed and each time I see guy something new bugs me, my sarcastic behavior increases, guy doesn't back down, now if we hang out I get very tense and in my opinion send all the vibes of "I'm just not that into you", guy continues to want to see me, and it ends by me telling the guy I think you should keep your options open.
The guy I'm currently talking to falls right into the Mr. Clingy category! I met him about two weeks ago and he has literally sent me a text every single day. Always trying to hang out and I guess any normal girl would be thrilled with this. Not me! I'm someone who needs my space to do what I want to do and I'm sure if I was really interested in him that it wouldn't annoy me as much.
Since we have started hanging out I've thought about when is a good time to end it. I guess that means I should just end it then. The sick thing is...I kind of enjoy knowing I have someone in the event I get lonely. This is probably why the Mr. Complicateds get thrown into the mix as my karma for the way I treat the Mr. clingys?!?
I don't know why I attract these type of men? They are either attracted to me like flys to shit or use me to mend their broken hearts.
The madre has suggested I get on a dating site or fork over some cash to have my own matchmaker.
I think I'll stick to being single and have lovers along the way...and yes, I do realize that I'm slightly crazy when it comes to dating...
8.07.2011
For family and friends...
These are not my words, but they say a lot and it is so true! Found this on a support group page.
My illness is a difficult one to understand, even for me. Many of the problems it causes are invisible and difficult to anticipate. I need you to understand that my life always is subject to change because of the unpredictable nature of the illness with which I must live. First, let me explain the depth of this illness-
1. My joints and muscles constantly hurt, burn, ache, cramp and/or feel sore.
2. I may need some very heavy pain killers and even then they still might not work.
3. I never get deep sleep so I never feel rested and am always tired.
4. I get terrible headaches, some may last days, and there is very little I can do about it.
5. My vision, hearing, sense of smell, and sense of taste all can be affected. I may get a very dry mouth, very dry eyes and/or blurry vision, or be very sensitive to odours, noises, lights, etc.
6. The fatigue I get can be overwhelming- and some days I cannot get out of bed no matter how I try.
7. There are emotional side effects- like depression, memory loss, and difficulty concentrating.
8. The medication I take has physical side effects- weight loss/gain, changes in my appearance, feeling doped up, mood changes, and problems with bowels/bladder.
9. I may need to use walking aids, other aids like a helping hand, or sometimes even use a scooter or wheelchair. Other times I may need no help at all.
10. I might not be able to drink alcohol or eat certain foods because of my medication and illness.
11. The illness is here for the rest of my life- sometimes I will seem very well and "back to the old me"…and sometimes I may become very ill. It's unpredictable.
12. This is not contagious, and there is no evidence that it is something I have inherited or will pass down to children.
This is all because my body has a serious fault in the way it perceives pain, and doesn't allow me to sleep in the way that gives my body the energy and time it needs to repair and rejuvenate itself. Sometimes, I might go into remission meaning that I will do pretty well for a while- and sometimes, I will have flares, meaning that things will get very bad. I can't tell when a remission or a flare will happen, and I don't know how long either might last. Most experts agree that if I can get good sleep, over time the pain situation will improve because overnight the brain will reset the pain receptors. There are some things you can do which would make it much easier for everyone and I would be grateful if you would take the time to read this and try to understand.
1. I will have good days, bad days, and many days in between. I can't always tell from one day to the next, or even sometimes from one hour to the next, how well I will be, so please be forgiving when I must change plans at the last moment. I don't mean to let you down.
2. Some days I will have all the energy in the world- and the next day I will be half dead. It's just the way things are- please don't say "You were okay to do this yesterday…" I can't help it.
3. Please don't judge me as a complainer, whiner, or as a person making more of their illness than seems necessary. Many of the problems I have are invisible to other people so please be patient, understanding and compassionate.
4. I don't want to spend my days in misery, so even if I have pain, am very tired, or even if I am just worried, I will still try to be happy and enjoy myself. This does not mean I am physically better, it just means that I am coping with the chronic pain and fatigue pretty well that day. My health will never be "back to normal". "Healthy" and "better" will always be a relative terms for me now.
5. I get lonesome and miss being part of the active life I once lead. Remember me- call me- visit me- don't give up on me. Please don't forget me or stop asking me to do things because I so often say no… It's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't. With a little help from you, I might be able to get more involved. I want to be part of your life.
6. This isn't my fault and if I could I would get rid of it. It's not my fault there is no cure. It is not all in my head! The syndrome of symptoms been discussed in medical literature since the early 1800's. Although there is no one test to prove it exists, that doesn't mean it isn't real. My pain and other symptoms are real, and result from both the chronic lack of deep sleep and the chemicals in my nervous system which triggers the pain receptors to feel terrible pain when most people would feel a lesser sensation like an ache. The body actually thinks it needs to build more pain receptors- so it does, making the pain even worse. The longer I have this illness the worse it will be.
7. It's okay to talk about what is happening. I would rather you ask than pretend you haven't noticed how different I am or just avoid me. It's okay for us to talk about how my illness affects you, too. I won't see it as a betrayal if you talk to me about your frustrations with my illness as long as you don't blame me.
8. It's okay to say "I know you don't feel well, but I don't want to hear about it today". Don't feel that you are obliged to listen to me … but if you ask how I am, I am going to tell you so if you don't really want to know, don't ask! I will try to remember that although my illness is a huge part of my life, you may not want it to be a part of yours. If you find me overwhelming, tell me! Challenge me, but please do it with love and compassion.
9. Don't try to tell me that all I need is a little exercise, or just to get out, or try a certain pain tablet, or some new treatment, etc, because it works for you or someone you know… Please don't feel rejected if you try to offer me a solution for my problems and I don't take you up on it. I am under close medical care and am doing everything I can.
10. You may think I just need to push myself a bit harder or that I am giving in to things too easily. One of the problems with this illness is that if I try too hard, it can set me back considerably. I have to be more patient with myself and accept my limits- I don't like it this way either but I have come to realise that one day of trying too hard and doing too much could make me much more ill for weeks. I need to be slow but steady.
11. Sometimes, I need to sit down and rest, right away. When it gets like that, I can't wait… I really am at the mercy of my body and even though it may seem selfish I know that if I don't take care of my self, my body will get even with a vengeance because that is the nature of this disease.
12. Please don't belittle my pain or fatigue. It makes me crazy when I hear "Yeah, you may think your back aches, but you just sit all day- I spent the day in the garden!" I wish I could have pain because I did something I enjoy- not just because my body is hurting itself. It is okay though to tell me how you are feeling- you may find that I am more compassionate than most when you tell me how you feel because I really do understand pain and fatigue… and you will find I may have some advice that can help you!
13. Please don't tell me I need to lose weight. I know. I am doing the best I can. Don't criticise my eating, please. It won't help either of us.
14. I don't choose to be down and miserable but depression is part of this illness. I need you to remember that I didn't choose any of what this illness has done to me- I am struggling to learn how to manage, to cope with what it does to me, to grieve the loss of my health and to do the best I can to live the best life I can. Although I am grieving the loss of who I was before this illness struck and sometimes I get so frustrated I just can't help feeling sorry for myself, it's not just in my head- its an effect of the illness, too, that I become depressed and anxious.
15. The pain receptors in the membranes around the joints and muscles keep telling my body that it hurts even when there is no reason. This pain is real, it is perceived the same way you feel pain if you hit your finger with a hammer.
16. Sometimes I will have brain-fog. It's common in this illness to have moments when your memory is poor, or to find it difficult to think clearly. It will pass. It's not permanent- so if something is important to you please don't forget to remind me! I will be grateful. It's also ok to remind me to write something down, or to check back with me later. Please don't think I am ignoring you, being difficult, or just don't care. I feel terrible when I forget. It's because no matter how hard I try I can't sleep well, and medication doesn't help because sleep from medication is not the right kind of sleep, either.
17. I need to know if and how I can ask you for help. Sometimes, I will need more help and support than other times. Please let me know if you can help. If you can give me a lift, take me to an appointment, help me with an errand or a task- maybe make a hot dish for me some night when I can't manage to make a meal- please let me know. When I am stuck in the house because things are bad, please come sit with me, even if there is nothing you can do. Little things like calling me every couple of days just to check in- sending a note, card, or email can make a huge difference. If you can, please reach out to me. Even if you can't do anything specific, just be my friend. Your friendship is the most important therapy I have.
18. I can still do things for you. Please don't stop asking me to babysit, to run an errand for you, to do something I have always done before when I was well. I'll be honest if I can't- please, if it's something I did before, it's okay to ask me again.
19. Please respect handicap parking and encourage others to do the same. Sometimes, people with illnesses like mine can't get out if they have to walk far- if everyone respected handicap parking, life would be easier for me and people like me who need those special spots. Defend handicap parking and it makes a real difference.
All in all, I need you to realise that I am the same person I have always been- my heart, soul, hobbies, interests, sense of humour and mind are all still there- it's my body that is turning against itself. I am more desperate for your love and acceptance than I am able to tell you. Please try to understand. Please accept me the way I am, please forgive me for the things that have changed, please forgive me and try to understand if I disappoint you, try to accept that I am not in control of what this is doing to me. Please forgive me if I let you down – I know that these changes are hard on everyone around me, too. I wish it could be different, for all of us. With time, compassion and love, things will eventually settle and we will all adapt.
My illness is a difficult one to understand, even for me. Many of the problems it causes are invisible and difficult to anticipate. I need you to understand that my life always is subject to change because of the unpredictable nature of the illness with which I must live. First, let me explain the depth of this illness-
1. My joints and muscles constantly hurt, burn, ache, cramp and/or feel sore.
2. I may need some very heavy pain killers and even then they still might not work.
3. I never get deep sleep so I never feel rested and am always tired.
4. I get terrible headaches, some may last days, and there is very little I can do about it.
5. My vision, hearing, sense of smell, and sense of taste all can be affected. I may get a very dry mouth, very dry eyes and/or blurry vision, or be very sensitive to odours, noises, lights, etc.
6. The fatigue I get can be overwhelming- and some days I cannot get out of bed no matter how I try.
7. There are emotional side effects- like depression, memory loss, and difficulty concentrating.
8. The medication I take has physical side effects- weight loss/gain, changes in my appearance, feeling doped up, mood changes, and problems with bowels/bladder.
9. I may need to use walking aids, other aids like a helping hand, or sometimes even use a scooter or wheelchair. Other times I may need no help at all.
10. I might not be able to drink alcohol or eat certain foods because of my medication and illness.
11. The illness is here for the rest of my life- sometimes I will seem very well and "back to the old me"…and sometimes I may become very ill. It's unpredictable.
12. This is not contagious, and there is no evidence that it is something I have inherited or will pass down to children.
This is all because my body has a serious fault in the way it perceives pain, and doesn't allow me to sleep in the way that gives my body the energy and time it needs to repair and rejuvenate itself. Sometimes, I might go into remission meaning that I will do pretty well for a while- and sometimes, I will have flares, meaning that things will get very bad. I can't tell when a remission or a flare will happen, and I don't know how long either might last. Most experts agree that if I can get good sleep, over time the pain situation will improve because overnight the brain will reset the pain receptors. There are some things you can do which would make it much easier for everyone and I would be grateful if you would take the time to read this and try to understand.
1. I will have good days, bad days, and many days in between. I can't always tell from one day to the next, or even sometimes from one hour to the next, how well I will be, so please be forgiving when I must change plans at the last moment. I don't mean to let you down.
2. Some days I will have all the energy in the world- and the next day I will be half dead. It's just the way things are- please don't say "You were okay to do this yesterday…" I can't help it.
3. Please don't judge me as a complainer, whiner, or as a person making more of their illness than seems necessary. Many of the problems I have are invisible to other people so please be patient, understanding and compassionate.
4. I don't want to spend my days in misery, so even if I have pain, am very tired, or even if I am just worried, I will still try to be happy and enjoy myself. This does not mean I am physically better, it just means that I am coping with the chronic pain and fatigue pretty well that day. My health will never be "back to normal". "Healthy" and "better" will always be a relative terms for me now.
5. I get lonesome and miss being part of the active life I once lead. Remember me- call me- visit me- don't give up on me. Please don't forget me or stop asking me to do things because I so often say no… It's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't. With a little help from you, I might be able to get more involved. I want to be part of your life.
6. This isn't my fault and if I could I would get rid of it. It's not my fault there is no cure. It is not all in my head! The syndrome of symptoms been discussed in medical literature since the early 1800's. Although there is no one test to prove it exists, that doesn't mean it isn't real. My pain and other symptoms are real, and result from both the chronic lack of deep sleep and the chemicals in my nervous system which triggers the pain receptors to feel terrible pain when most people would feel a lesser sensation like an ache. The body actually thinks it needs to build more pain receptors- so it does, making the pain even worse. The longer I have this illness the worse it will be.
7. It's okay to talk about what is happening. I would rather you ask than pretend you haven't noticed how different I am or just avoid me. It's okay for us to talk about how my illness affects you, too. I won't see it as a betrayal if you talk to me about your frustrations with my illness as long as you don't blame me.
8. It's okay to say "I know you don't feel well, but I don't want to hear about it today". Don't feel that you are obliged to listen to me … but if you ask how I am, I am going to tell you so if you don't really want to know, don't ask! I will try to remember that although my illness is a huge part of my life, you may not want it to be a part of yours. If you find me overwhelming, tell me! Challenge me, but please do it with love and compassion.
9. Don't try to tell me that all I need is a little exercise, or just to get out, or try a certain pain tablet, or some new treatment, etc, because it works for you or someone you know… Please don't feel rejected if you try to offer me a solution for my problems and I don't take you up on it. I am under close medical care and am doing everything I can.
10. You may think I just need to push myself a bit harder or that I am giving in to things too easily. One of the problems with this illness is that if I try too hard, it can set me back considerably. I have to be more patient with myself and accept my limits- I don't like it this way either but I have come to realise that one day of trying too hard and doing too much could make me much more ill for weeks. I need to be slow but steady.
11. Sometimes, I need to sit down and rest, right away. When it gets like that, I can't wait… I really am at the mercy of my body and even though it may seem selfish I know that if I don't take care of my self, my body will get even with a vengeance because that is the nature of this disease.
12. Please don't belittle my pain or fatigue. It makes me crazy when I hear "Yeah, you may think your back aches, but you just sit all day- I spent the day in the garden!" I wish I could have pain because I did something I enjoy- not just because my body is hurting itself. It is okay though to tell me how you are feeling- you may find that I am more compassionate than most when you tell me how you feel because I really do understand pain and fatigue… and you will find I may have some advice that can help you!
13. Please don't tell me I need to lose weight. I know. I am doing the best I can. Don't criticise my eating, please. It won't help either of us.
14. I don't choose to be down and miserable but depression is part of this illness. I need you to remember that I didn't choose any of what this illness has done to me- I am struggling to learn how to manage, to cope with what it does to me, to grieve the loss of my health and to do the best I can to live the best life I can. Although I am grieving the loss of who I was before this illness struck and sometimes I get so frustrated I just can't help feeling sorry for myself, it's not just in my head- its an effect of the illness, too, that I become depressed and anxious.
15. The pain receptors in the membranes around the joints and muscles keep telling my body that it hurts even when there is no reason. This pain is real, it is perceived the same way you feel pain if you hit your finger with a hammer.
16. Sometimes I will have brain-fog. It's common in this illness to have moments when your memory is poor, or to find it difficult to think clearly. It will pass. It's not permanent- so if something is important to you please don't forget to remind me! I will be grateful. It's also ok to remind me to write something down, or to check back with me later. Please don't think I am ignoring you, being difficult, or just don't care. I feel terrible when I forget. It's because no matter how hard I try I can't sleep well, and medication doesn't help because sleep from medication is not the right kind of sleep, either.
17. I need to know if and how I can ask you for help. Sometimes, I will need more help and support than other times. Please let me know if you can help. If you can give me a lift, take me to an appointment, help me with an errand or a task- maybe make a hot dish for me some night when I can't manage to make a meal- please let me know. When I am stuck in the house because things are bad, please come sit with me, even if there is nothing you can do. Little things like calling me every couple of days just to check in- sending a note, card, or email can make a huge difference. If you can, please reach out to me. Even if you can't do anything specific, just be my friend. Your friendship is the most important therapy I have.
18. I can still do things for you. Please don't stop asking me to babysit, to run an errand for you, to do something I have always done before when I was well. I'll be honest if I can't- please, if it's something I did before, it's okay to ask me again.
19. Please respect handicap parking and encourage others to do the same. Sometimes, people with illnesses like mine can't get out if they have to walk far- if everyone respected handicap parking, life would be easier for me and people like me who need those special spots. Defend handicap parking and it makes a real difference.
All in all, I need you to realise that I am the same person I have always been- my heart, soul, hobbies, interests, sense of humour and mind are all still there- it's my body that is turning against itself. I am more desperate for your love and acceptance than I am able to tell you. Please try to understand. Please accept me the way I am, please forgive me for the things that have changed, please forgive me and try to understand if I disappoint you, try to accept that I am not in control of what this is doing to me. Please forgive me if I let you down – I know that these changes are hard on everyone around me, too. I wish it could be different, for all of us. With time, compassion and love, things will eventually settle and we will all adapt.
8.02.2011
ramblings...
I have a need to write...it helps make a small piece of my world feel whole. I'm not extremely talented (not even a little bit talented) and it's not something that I do for anyone other than myself. So, why do I make it public? I don't know...I get something out of sharing I guess.
Tonight, I can't promise to make sense, but I just felt a need to write. To listen to good music and write. I have kind of been neglecting this outlet lately. Not that I have not wanted to write, but just that I haven't wanted to share my thoughts. Been too tired and have too many other things going on. I have needed to take some things in and really spin them around in my head and digest them.
I've been feeling out of sorts. Thinking that it is time for change, but what would I change? I love where I live and I adore the people in my life. Every single day when I make the drive home from work I feel overwhelmingly thankful. My surroundings are truly breathtaking and I'm so lucky! I adore the friends that I have here. So, why do I feel alone?
I feel (warning: this is my perspective) that as a friend I'm pretty darn giving. When I care about someone and say that I love them...I mean it! I know that I can care too much and can be a sentimental sap. My ways of showing that I care are usually through mushy sayings, big bear hugs, or lending an open ear so that you can pour your heart out. I'll go places with you just so you don't have to be alone. I'll travel hours out of my way to be there during a tough situation. I'll send you 100 texts throughout the day to check up and just let you know that I care. Because this is all that I know how to do. It may not be enough and it may not be exactly what is needed, but that is what I offer.
Now don't get it twisted...I am not the ideal friend. I avoid actually picking up the phone and calling as much as I can (not a fan of talking on the phone). I can put my two sense in and tell you what I think you need to hear instead of telling you what you want to hear. I forget to send a card for birthdays and sometimes have a hard time remembering the actual day (I blame my shitty memory for this). I am far from a perfect friend, but I am not FAKE! Trust me, if I don't like you, you will know it. I won't be mean (unless you are a real ass and deserve it), but I'm not going out of my way to pay you any mind.
I'm fairly certain that these feelings I've been having have everything to do with me and nothing to do with people around me. I need to take a step back and examine myself. What am I putting out to the world? What do I need to learn from this to be a stronger/better person? But, don't you ever have moments when you want to stop being the strong person? To want to have someone who can carry your burdens for a little while? Being strong can be exhausting at times. However, I find writing this is making me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable...even thought about deleting the whole post a few times, but that kind of defeats the purpose of this outlet...right?
I just have an over crowded brain right now! I need to allow myself to deal with some things from my recent past. I have to let go of some friends reactions to some of those things. Maybe this is a start to that process? Maybe I can rid the feeling of being alone in a place I love. Maybe I won't have to leave. Or maybe an opportunity will present itself and I will leave and I will grow and learn and become a better person? I'd like to think that go or stay this hiccup in my world will lead to bigger and better. Lord knows I've experienced MANY hiccups in my life and I always end up better because of them. It's just harder to see it when you're in it...you know?
Oh dear...this was one heck of a rambling session. If you've made it this far...congrats/sorry! You got a glimpse of my hectic brain.
Also...I've been challenging myself lately. To be more honest about my feelings despite feeling vulnerable. To throw more caution to the wind instead of calculating every risk. This post is an attempt to that challenge.
Tonight, I can't promise to make sense, but I just felt a need to write. To listen to good music and write. I have kind of been neglecting this outlet lately. Not that I have not wanted to write, but just that I haven't wanted to share my thoughts. Been too tired and have too many other things going on. I have needed to take some things in and really spin them around in my head and digest them.
I've been feeling out of sorts. Thinking that it is time for change, but what would I change? I love where I live and I adore the people in my life. Every single day when I make the drive home from work I feel overwhelmingly thankful. My surroundings are truly breathtaking and I'm so lucky! I adore the friends that I have here. So, why do I feel alone?
I feel (warning: this is my perspective) that as a friend I'm pretty darn giving. When I care about someone and say that I love them...I mean it! I know that I can care too much and can be a sentimental sap. My ways of showing that I care are usually through mushy sayings, big bear hugs, or lending an open ear so that you can pour your heart out. I'll go places with you just so you don't have to be alone. I'll travel hours out of my way to be there during a tough situation. I'll send you 100 texts throughout the day to check up and just let you know that I care. Because this is all that I know how to do. It may not be enough and it may not be exactly what is needed, but that is what I offer.
Now don't get it twisted...I am not the ideal friend. I avoid actually picking up the phone and calling as much as I can (not a fan of talking on the phone). I can put my two sense in and tell you what I think you need to hear instead of telling you what you want to hear. I forget to send a card for birthdays and sometimes have a hard time remembering the actual day (I blame my shitty memory for this). I am far from a perfect friend, but I am not FAKE! Trust me, if I don't like you, you will know it. I won't be mean (unless you are a real ass and deserve it), but I'm not going out of my way to pay you any mind.
I'm fairly certain that these feelings I've been having have everything to do with me and nothing to do with people around me. I need to take a step back and examine myself. What am I putting out to the world? What do I need to learn from this to be a stronger/better person? But, don't you ever have moments when you want to stop being the strong person? To want to have someone who can carry your burdens for a little while? Being strong can be exhausting at times. However, I find writing this is making me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable...even thought about deleting the whole post a few times, but that kind of defeats the purpose of this outlet...right?
I just have an over crowded brain right now! I need to allow myself to deal with some things from my recent past. I have to let go of some friends reactions to some of those things. Maybe this is a start to that process? Maybe I can rid the feeling of being alone in a place I love. Maybe I won't have to leave. Or maybe an opportunity will present itself and I will leave and I will grow and learn and become a better person? I'd like to think that go or stay this hiccup in my world will lead to bigger and better. Lord knows I've experienced MANY hiccups in my life and I always end up better because of them. It's just harder to see it when you're in it...you know?
Oh dear...this was one heck of a rambling session. If you've made it this far...congrats/sorry! You got a glimpse of my hectic brain.
Also...I've been challenging myself lately. To be more honest about my feelings despite feeling vulnerable. To throw more caution to the wind instead of calculating every risk. This post is an attempt to that challenge.
8.01.2011
Meditate on this...
not quite keeping up with the nightly meditations, but I haven't completely given up on it...
On understanding the ego:
The ego is a wrong-minded attempt to perceive yourself as you wish to be, rather than as you are. Yet you can know yourself only as you are, because that is all you can be sure of. Everything else is open to question.
On understanding the ego:
The ego is a wrong-minded attempt to perceive yourself as you wish to be, rather than as you are. Yet you can know yourself only as you are, because that is all you can be sure of. Everything else is open to question.
7.25.2011
Dalo...
The world lost a great man today and while I'm thankful he is no longer suffering; I am filled with sadness. You see I don't have as many great male figures in my life like I do women. So when one enters my world I hold an extra special place for them in my heart! I feel blessed to have been given the chance to get to know this spunky WWII veteran who could tell a story like no other. Who had a sense of humor along with a contagious laughter...oh how I will miss that! A man with fierce independence that I'm positive kept his 93 year old self quite active and kept him around for as long as he was after his fall. I'm certain that I'm doing no justice to his character, but he was a good man!
The time that I've known him was all too short, but will be forever cherished!
Dalo(my adopted granddad)...I love you and will miss you!
The time that I've known him was all too short, but will be forever cherished!
Dalo(my adopted granddad)...I love you and will miss you!
7.22.2011
Music Therapy...
My brain is crowded...overflowing if you will. The words won't come out and in times like these I find that music is the best form of therapy and often find that some lyrics express my thoughts better than I can. Anyone else feel the same way?
Not only the words, but the melodies speak to me and I really feel it (of course I feel it in my interpretation of the song)! Treating myself to some music therapy tonight and sharing some lyrics too...of course if I could link I'd share the actual song, but alas no such luck!
Enjoy...
"Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has their private world
Where they can be alone
But you'd have to walk a thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes" ~ Eminem...Beautiful (especially loving these lyrics right now)
"So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost Lovers always do" ~ A Fine Frenzy Almost Lovers
"What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine
With a fire in my bones and the sweet taste of kerosene
I get lost in the night so high I don't want to come down" ~ Kings of Leon Revelry
"When it's good then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, "Never again"
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend". ~Pink Sober
Also, wildly in love with the entire Mumford and Sons album...I would quote most of their lyrics, but instead I'll just advise that you listen to it...
Not only the words, but the melodies speak to me and I really feel it (of course I feel it in my interpretation of the song)! Treating myself to some music therapy tonight and sharing some lyrics too...of course if I could link I'd share the actual song, but alas no such luck!
Enjoy...
"Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everybody has their private world
Where they can be alone
But you'd have to walk a thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes" ~ Eminem...Beautiful (especially loving these lyrics right now)
"So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost Lovers always do" ~ A Fine Frenzy Almost Lovers
"What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine
With a fire in my bones and the sweet taste of kerosene
I get lost in the night so high I don't want to come down" ~ Kings of Leon Revelry
"When it's good then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, "Never again"
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend". ~Pink Sober
Also, wildly in love with the entire Mumford and Sons album...I would quote most of their lyrics, but instead I'll just advise that you listen to it...
7.11.2011
Bruised coccyx...
If you read my post on skydiving you will know that I had a rather hard landing. If you didn't read it, not so long story even shorter...I crash landed onto my ass. I felt the impact of the ground smashing into my tailbone and the pain ran up my back. But, I was all smiles and did not shed any tears. I was high! High on the adrenaline of falling/parachuting 10,000 feet to the ground.
After the adrenaline wore off the pain increased, but I am no stranger to pain and can play it off pretty freaking well. I found sitting to be quite uncomfortable and that if you laugh really hard it will hurt your bruised bum. Which made me laugh even harder. I'm not sure why I found it hilarious, but when you get the madre, sister, and myself together we typically make every situation into something funny.
We are on day three of my bruised coccyx and let me tell you it is not fun and rather annoying. I make funny noises when trying to get up after sitting and it's just uncomfortable. So, I decided to google "bruised tailbone" and found this helpful site that gives you 6 steps on how to care for your broken bottom.
You have the obvious; take an NSAID to reduce the inflammation, ice the hiney, wear comfortable clothes. Pretty obvious stuff because I mean really there is not too much that you can do for it! Except let time and your body do its thing and heal. But advice #6...oh helpful #6...avoid constipation!!!
Seriously...thank you Captain Obvious!?! This had me doing some serious belly laughing. I'm such an immature and inappropriate girl when it comes to my sense of humor, but come on...it's funny! I don't think too many people try to get constipated and I know it happens from time to time, but I'm quite positive we all pretty much want to avoid constipation. Bruised coccyx or not!
I now really enjoy the word coccyx and will be trying to throw it into my vocab from here on out...
After the adrenaline wore off the pain increased, but I am no stranger to pain and can play it off pretty freaking well. I found sitting to be quite uncomfortable and that if you laugh really hard it will hurt your bruised bum. Which made me laugh even harder. I'm not sure why I found it hilarious, but when you get the madre, sister, and myself together we typically make every situation into something funny.
We are on day three of my bruised coccyx and let me tell you it is not fun and rather annoying. I make funny noises when trying to get up after sitting and it's just uncomfortable. So, I decided to google "bruised tailbone" and found this helpful site that gives you 6 steps on how to care for your broken bottom.
You have the obvious; take an NSAID to reduce the inflammation, ice the hiney, wear comfortable clothes. Pretty obvious stuff because I mean really there is not too much that you can do for it! Except let time and your body do its thing and heal. But advice #6...oh helpful #6...avoid constipation!!!
Seriously...thank you Captain Obvious!?! This had me doing some serious belly laughing. I'm such an immature and inappropriate girl when it comes to my sense of humor, but come on...it's funny! I don't think too many people try to get constipated and I know it happens from time to time, but I'm quite positive we all pretty much want to avoid constipation. Bruised coccyx or not!
I now really enjoy the word coccyx and will be trying to throw it into my vocab from here on out...
7.10.2011
I summersaulted out of a plane yesterday...
Yup...sure did. Paid a nice chunk of change to have some strange man strapped to my back, flown 10,000 ft in the air in a tiny plane, only to have them open the door and then fall out of it. And it was the BEST f-ing experience of my life thus far!!!!
The madre had told my sister that she would take her skydiving for her 21st birthday and they were so kind to include me on this trip. It is something that we all talked about wanting to do. To add to this day the madre told us she wanted us to think about our fears, write them down, and then we would release them as we were falling from the sky. Pretty symbolic don't you think? I totally loved the idea. And as you can tell from some of my past posts I've been thinking about my fears. Fears that I will not share with you...today at least. But, after this experience I do know that putting energy into those fears makes them real and once you realize your energy is being invested in the wrong places those fears don't seem as scary. Not that they will disappear overnight, but they don't have as tight of a grip and if you continue to work on diverting those energies they just might go away. Life is short and you need to enjoy it!
As the weeks and days got closer our nerves grew and then there was THE day. We awoke early and you could feel the nervous excitement in the air. The madre seemed more terrified, sis really nervous, and I was more excited than anything. Maybe I was overcompensating my excitement to help ease their nerves? I mean don't get me wrong, I was definitely nervous, but the excitement overpowered it.
Anyways, we arrived about an hour early (we don't like being late) and walked into what appeared to be an empty building with a cute, but "not sure if you're friendly" dog attached to a leash. Unsure of where to go we kind of just stood there until Mike happened to walk by. Mike, who would be my videographer and the madres tandem buddy, is a retired military man who has been jumping out of planes for years. He had something like 5,000 jumps under his belt. Also, had the right kind of sarcastic humor to put us at ease.
I was expecting to have an hour or so long class of skydiving safety, but it was really a 15 min crash course of here is the plane, this is how you sit in it and turn around to attach to your buddy, and when the door opens sit your butt on the edge and let your buddy push yourselves out. Okay who is ready to fall out of a plane? This is not even an exaggeration it was that quick.
I nominated myself as the first person to go. Again, surprising myself at my bold "let's do this shit" attitude. Who is this girl and can I keep her around? I think I will! Anyways, I was introduced to Brad my tandem buddy (who would end up being so close to me he really should have bought me dinner afterwards) and he harnessed me up. I'm sure I was completely inappropriate with my comments in front of a perfectly good southern gentleman stranger. Saying things like, "this is the one time I'm glad I have small breasts" as he is politely explaining to me I may want to adjust the strap across my chest because for females it could be uncomfortable. It's okay though...I'm pretty sure Brad ended up having a little crush on me (mind you he could probably be my dad).
So, we were geared up and ready to get on the plane. My excitement is bubbling over at this point. I sit exactly as I was told, Brad climbs in and sits his legs on top of mine, Mr. Pilot is doing his thing, Mike jumps in next to pilot with his helmet video camera capturing it all, and in jumps another guy! Okay y'all this plane is small and I was quite shocked to see homeboy jump in. Me: "well hello stranger are you going to be jumping with me as well?". Turns out stranger (Brian) is one of the guys who is getting his license and will be jumping at 5,000 feet.
The entire ride up Brad and I arediscussing shouting what we are about to do and mastering our handshake for the camera(which didn't make it on video sadly). He also kept saying that this would be lots of fun because I'm a really cool girl and didn't seem nervous at all. Brad knew how to get brownie points by telling me how awesome I am. Thanks Brad! I also was trying to make best friends with the other guys in the plane and was having a blast (my sisters experience was quite different as her peeps weren't so much fun...sorry sister).
5,000ft in the air, the door opens and we say our goodbyes to Brian. It was pretty freaking cool to watch someone fall out of a plane (I say fall because there really is no jumping involved).
9,000ft and it's time for me to turn around and snuggle up to the back of the pilots chair as Bradly attaches himself to me. We got close...very close and I kind of felt like I was a baby attached to his chest with one of those baby carriers (what the hell are those things called?). To which he laughed at me when I expressed this. I also made Brad promise me that we could do a flip out of the plane because that sounded like more fun.
10,000ft and it's GO TIME! Mike opens the door and makes his way out so that he can capture my experience. Brad and I scoot to the door and I sit as close to the edge as I can, the excitement out of control now. I failed to thumbs up the camera as I was concentrated on arms crossed. ONE...TWO...THREE...and I felt Brad summersault us out of the plane.
I kept my eyes open the entire time and I wish I could do justice to just how phenomenal the experience really was. No lie when I say it is by far the most amazing experience of my life thus far. Freefalling is exhilarating, but it didn't seem to last all that long before you do feel the jerk of the parachute opening. Then you are just floating in the air. Pulling the strap left when you want to go left and right when you want to go right. You can even twirl and twirl we did! We even went through a cloud. I was the happiest little girl in the sky! I could have stayed up there for hours.
Now comes the landing. We are getting close to the ground and I thought I heard Brad say "flare", so I began to pull the straps. Not what Brad said! We ended up crashing our asses onto the hard ground. I'm pretty sure I broke my ass from that land. But, I was a champ and brushed it off, getting right up and laughing it off. I think I was just high from the adrenaline rush. Despite the not so great land, I would totally do it again! Like I think I can become addicted to this!
In fact, Mr. Brad was so impressed with how much of a natural I was he said that I should come and take classes to become a tandem master or do the competitions. At first I thought he was blowing smoke up my ass, but after hearing him say that the entire float down and before I left, I can only assume that I am, in fact, a natural ;) Holy conceded...but I'm just excited that I did a good job! I'm also seriously considering taking the classes.
I should add that the madre and sister LOVED it as well. Also, the madre was the only one who landed on her feet (to which Mike said: " you know you're standing because of me right?"...haha loved Mike)!
Now I need to go ice my ass...
The madre had told my sister that she would take her skydiving for her 21st birthday and they were so kind to include me on this trip. It is something that we all talked about wanting to do. To add to this day the madre told us she wanted us to think about our fears, write them down, and then we would release them as we were falling from the sky. Pretty symbolic don't you think? I totally loved the idea. And as you can tell from some of my past posts I've been thinking about my fears. Fears that I will not share with you...today at least. But, after this experience I do know that putting energy into those fears makes them real and once you realize your energy is being invested in the wrong places those fears don't seem as scary. Not that they will disappear overnight, but they don't have as tight of a grip and if you continue to work on diverting those energies they just might go away. Life is short and you need to enjoy it!
As the weeks and days got closer our nerves grew and then there was THE day. We awoke early and you could feel the nervous excitement in the air. The madre seemed more terrified, sis really nervous, and I was more excited than anything. Maybe I was overcompensating my excitement to help ease their nerves? I mean don't get me wrong, I was definitely nervous, but the excitement overpowered it.
Anyways, we arrived about an hour early (we don't like being late) and walked into what appeared to be an empty building with a cute, but "not sure if you're friendly" dog attached to a leash. Unsure of where to go we kind of just stood there until Mike happened to walk by. Mike, who would be my videographer and the madres tandem buddy, is a retired military man who has been jumping out of planes for years. He had something like 5,000 jumps under his belt. Also, had the right kind of sarcastic humor to put us at ease.
I was expecting to have an hour or so long class of skydiving safety, but it was really a 15 min crash course of here is the plane, this is how you sit in it and turn around to attach to your buddy, and when the door opens sit your butt on the edge and let your buddy push yourselves out. Okay who is ready to fall out of a plane? This is not even an exaggeration it was that quick.
I nominated myself as the first person to go. Again, surprising myself at my bold "let's do this shit" attitude. Who is this girl and can I keep her around? I think I will! Anyways, I was introduced to Brad my tandem buddy (who would end up being so close to me he really should have bought me dinner afterwards) and he harnessed me up. I'm sure I was completely inappropriate with my comments in front of a perfectly good southern gentleman stranger. Saying things like, "this is the one time I'm glad I have small breasts" as he is politely explaining to me I may want to adjust the strap across my chest because for females it could be uncomfortable. It's okay though...I'm pretty sure Brad ended up having a little crush on me (mind you he could probably be my dad).
So, we were geared up and ready to get on the plane. My excitement is bubbling over at this point. I sit exactly as I was told, Brad climbs in and sits his legs on top of mine, Mr. Pilot is doing his thing, Mike jumps in next to pilot with his helmet video camera capturing it all, and in jumps another guy! Okay y'all this plane is small and I was quite shocked to see homeboy jump in. Me: "well hello stranger are you going to be jumping with me as well?". Turns out stranger (Brian) is one of the guys who is getting his license and will be jumping at 5,000 feet.
The entire ride up Brad and I are
5,000ft in the air, the door opens and we say our goodbyes to Brian. It was pretty freaking cool to watch someone fall out of a plane (I say fall because there really is no jumping involved).
9,000ft and it's time for me to turn around and snuggle up to the back of the pilots chair as Bradly attaches himself to me. We got close...very close and I kind of felt like I was a baby attached to his chest with one of those baby carriers (what the hell are those things called?). To which he laughed at me when I expressed this. I also made Brad promise me that we could do a flip out of the plane because that sounded like more fun.
10,000ft and it's GO TIME! Mike opens the door and makes his way out so that he can capture my experience. Brad and I scoot to the door and I sit as close to the edge as I can, the excitement out of control now. I failed to thumbs up the camera as I was concentrated on arms crossed. ONE...TWO...THREE...and I felt Brad summersault us out of the plane.
I kept my eyes open the entire time and I wish I could do justice to just how phenomenal the experience really was. No lie when I say it is by far the most amazing experience of my life thus far. Freefalling is exhilarating, but it didn't seem to last all that long before you do feel the jerk of the parachute opening. Then you are just floating in the air. Pulling the strap left when you want to go left and right when you want to go right. You can even twirl and twirl we did! We even went through a cloud. I was the happiest little girl in the sky! I could have stayed up there for hours.
Now comes the landing. We are getting close to the ground and I thought I heard Brad say "flare", so I began to pull the straps. Not what Brad said! We ended up crashing our asses onto the hard ground. I'm pretty sure I broke my ass from that land. But, I was a champ and brushed it off, getting right up and laughing it off. I think I was just high from the adrenaline rush. Despite the not so great land, I would totally do it again! Like I think I can become addicted to this!
In fact, Mr. Brad was so impressed with how much of a natural I was he said that I should come and take classes to become a tandem master or do the competitions. At first I thought he was blowing smoke up my ass, but after hearing him say that the entire float down and before I left, I can only assume that I am, in fact, a natural ;) Holy conceded...but I'm just excited that I did a good job! I'm also seriously considering taking the classes.
I should add that the madre and sister LOVED it as well. Also, the madre was the only one who landed on her feet (to which Mike said: " you know you're standing because of me right?"...haha loved Mike)!
Now I need to go ice my ass...
7.07.2011
On not accepting fear...
I recently answered the first of my "50 ?'s to free my mind" and I'd love to link you to that post (still figuring out blogging on an iPad...not so successfull), but it revolved around fear and my nightly meditation is also based around fear. I also happened to run across a great post on fear today and you can find it below (again prob won't be able to link, but I think it's worth a copy paste).
I think that God is trying to tell me something here! I'm not sure what I fear...okay I do!!!
But, it is not worth fearing and it's only holding me back from happiness. Got it...working on it!
So let's meditate on this:
When you are afraid of anything, you are acknowledging its power to hurt you. Remember that where your heart is, there is treasure also. You believe in what you value. If you are afraid, you are valuing wrongly.
THAT is good stuff. Now to actually attempt to meditate...
http://www.lcweekly.com/the-best-life/2134-its-your-choice
I think that God is trying to tell me something here! I'm not sure what I fear...okay I do!!!
But, it is not worth fearing and it's only holding me back from happiness. Got it...working on it!
So let's meditate on this:
When you are afraid of anything, you are acknowledging its power to hurt you. Remember that where your heart is, there is treasure also. You believe in what you value. If you are afraid, you are valuing wrongly.
THAT is good stuff. Now to actually attempt to meditate...
http://www.lcweekly.com/the-best-life/2134-its-your-choice
7.06.2011
Meditate on this (dos)...
Oh yeah night numero dos of thoughts to meditate on.
I've learned that I currently suck at meditating and my mind goes a million different directions. But, practice makes perfect...right?!
Also, I'm thinking I should post the thought to meditate on before posting because I totally thought about what I was going to write during. I'm pretty sure that's not how you're supposed to do it.
On finding satisfaction in reality...
"What can be fearful but fantasy, and who turns to fantasy unless he despairs of finding satisfaction in reality?"
Hmmm...I'm a total daydreamer! Like on my way to/from work I often find myself arriving at my destination having no real recollection of the drive. I guess this daydream believer needs to work on remaining in the present more often...
I've learned that I currently suck at meditating and my mind goes a million different directions. But, practice makes perfect...right?!
Also, I'm thinking I should post the thought to meditate on before posting because I totally thought about what I was going to write during. I'm pretty sure that's not how you're supposed to do it.
On finding satisfaction in reality...
"What can be fearful but fantasy, and who turns to fantasy unless he despairs of finding satisfaction in reality?"
Hmmm...I'm a total daydreamer! Like on my way to/from work I often find myself arriving at my destination having no real recollection of the drive. I guess this daydream believer needs to work on remaining in the present more often...
7.05.2011
Meditate on this...
Part of my 101 in 1001 involves less stress and learning to meditate. Being the book lover that I am I stumbled upon this gem: Meditations from A Course in Miracles. I've been reading though this each night before bed to hopefully help shed some light and maybe bring inner peace. We shall see how it really works out (truth be told it gets my mind racing again, but in a good way...I think).
Anywho, I thought I'd share some of my nightly choices with y'all, but I'm not going to promise that I stick to posting one each night. Knowing me...I won't! Or maybe I will!
On the lessons of life (this was a good one for me y'all)
"Trials are but lessons that you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain that what you chose before has brought you."
Enjoy and share thoughts if you'd like...
Anywho, I thought I'd share some of my nightly choices with y'all, but I'm not going to promise that I stick to posting one each night. Knowing me...I won't! Or maybe I will!
On the lessons of life (this was a good one for me y'all)
"Trials are but lessons that you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain that what you chose before has brought you."
Enjoy and share thoughts if you'd like...
7.04.2011
Happy 4th...
What a great drama free weekend! Spent it on the river with wonderful friends new and old. Now, I'm giving my liver a break and will probably enjoy some fireworks from the dock tonight.
Fun facts:
Letter John Adams wrote to his wife...
The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.[6] (he was off by two days, but celebrate we do)~wikipedia
In a remarkable coincidence, both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, the only signers of the Declaration of Independence later to serve as Presidents of the United States, died on the same day: July 4, 1826, which was the 50th anniversary of the Declaration. ~wikipedia
A big THANK YOU to those who serve to protect our Country so that we can continue to celebrate our independence with fireworks, good friends, and good food/drinks!
Fun facts:
Letter John Adams wrote to his wife...
The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.[6] (he was off by two days, but celebrate we do)~wikipedia
In a remarkable coincidence, both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, the only signers of the Declaration of Independence later to serve as Presidents of the United States, died on the same day: July 4, 1826, which was the 50th anniversary of the Declaration. ~wikipedia
A big THANK YOU to those who serve to protect our Country so that we can continue to celebrate our independence with fireworks, good friends, and good food/drinks!
The definition of insane...
Is ME and my addiction to falling for complicated!
I say it is an "addiction" because I always do it and I know I'm doing it (hence insane) and I tell myself to stop falling for complicated, but I don't and the ending is usually the same. Which involves me being sad and then angry at myself and complicated in a relationship with someone else!
I'm trying to figure out why I do this. Maybe it's just another way to protect myself from really falling for someone and having my heart shattered again? Not cool self...not cool at all! I really need to learn my lesson.
Also, for any guys who may actually read myamazing ramblings. Do a girl a favor and don't play with a girls heart. If you tell her you're not ready for a relationship, but you really mean you don't want to date her (just sleep with her and be her friend)...tell her the truth. Truth hurts sometimes, but it's much better than stringing her along until you find the girl you do want to be with.
And in related news...I completely adore Mr. Complicated from over a year ago new girlfriend! Which makes me and new gf completely amazing. Seriously, how many people can say they are friends with their ex and the love of their life?! Not too many. At least I don't think. It's awesome to see him so happy! Eventhough he was a complicated he really is an amazing person and he opened my eyes to what kind of man I should end up with. New gf is a lucky lady, but I think she knows that!
I don't think I will feel the same about new complicated and his "girlfriend", but I'll be happy for him because he too is an amazing person and he deserves happiness (a whole lot of it)!
Man, I'm a fucking awesome person (haha)! Now if I could just find uncomplicated who does not watch dancing with the stars (or current complicated realize he made a stupid for getting back with homegirl...I mean a girl can dream right?...or something).
Also, if any of you 5 readers want to take a shot at being a therapist go ahead and give it a whirl on my addiction with complicated. Cause i'd like to figure out why I do this and not always end up being the friend...cause I'm pretty sure I'd be a good girlfriend!
I say it is an "addiction" because I always do it and I know I'm doing it (hence insane) and I tell myself to stop falling for complicated, but I don't and the ending is usually the same. Which involves me being sad and then angry at myself and complicated in a relationship with someone else!
I'm trying to figure out why I do this. Maybe it's just another way to protect myself from really falling for someone and having my heart shattered again? Not cool self...not cool at all! I really need to learn my lesson.
Also, for any guys who may actually read my
And in related news...I completely adore Mr. Complicated from over a year ago new girlfriend! Which makes me and new gf completely amazing. Seriously, how many people can say they are friends with their ex and the love of their life?! Not too many. At least I don't think. It's awesome to see him so happy! Eventhough he was a complicated he really is an amazing person and he opened my eyes to what kind of man I should end up with. New gf is a lucky lady, but I think she knows that!
I don't think I will feel the same about new complicated and his "girlfriend", but I'll be happy for him because he too is an amazing person and he deserves happiness (a whole lot of it)!
Man, I'm a fucking awesome person (haha)! Now if I could just find uncomplicated who does not watch dancing with the stars (or current complicated realize he made a stupid for getting back with homegirl...I mean a girl can dream right?...or something).
Also, if any of you 5 readers want to take a shot at being a therapist go ahead and give it a whirl on my addiction with complicated. Cause i'd like to figure out why I do this and not always end up being the friend...cause I'm pretty sure I'd be a good girlfriend!
6.30.2011
R.A.O.K. June edition....
Holy he'll(thank you auto correct for trying to make me a lady, but I wanted to say HELL)it's June 30th!!! Where has the time gone?
So, as part of my 101 of 1001 (refer to that tab on my blog to figure out what I'm talking about) I said I would perform a random act of kindness each month. This month it revolved around customer service and giving kudos to those who actually deliver great customer service!
Before I go any further, I must apologize! I'm in extreme...I mean extreme pain (hence the go fuck yourself post)!!! This drains me of personality and my brain isn't thinking straight. Therefore, I won't be sharing this the way I imagined.
I wanted to be cute, sarcastic, and funny...you know the way I like to think I write when I'm my normal witty self (of course I'm probably way off and no where close)! But, today is going to be straight to the point. Customer service (really good customer service) is pretty much non-existent and being that I've worked in c.s. for 13yrs, I can declare myself an expert as to what c.s. Should look like. Also, I've decided I should teach phone etiquette courses (I'll save that for another time).
Back to the point...this month I made a point to tell anyone that was supposed to be delivering c.s. to me and actually did it without making it seem like I was ruining their day for picking their check out line, that they are doing a great job!
The way I see it I was not only boosting the ego of some guy/girl actually doing their job, but I was helping make the interaction for the next person in line, on the phone, or whatever it may be, more enjoyable. Everyone likes to hear that they are doing a good job! It makes you want to keep doing what you're doing and maybe even do it a little better. And, I don't know about you, but when I have friendly people help me it makes that experience a much more pleasant one.
I could/would rant and rave on all of my horrible experiences with c.s. and complain about how it is a lost art these days, but lucky for you my hands feel like they are on fire and I want to cut my arms off ;)
So, since this month is basically over; how about next month you are on the receiving end of good customer service you tell them "good job"! Give it a whirl...
So, as part of my 101 of 1001 (refer to that tab on my blog to figure out what I'm talking about) I said I would perform a random act of kindness each month. This month it revolved around customer service and giving kudos to those who actually deliver great customer service!
Before I go any further, I must apologize! I'm in extreme...I mean extreme pain (hence the go fuck yourself post)!!! This drains me of personality and my brain isn't thinking straight. Therefore, I won't be sharing this the way I imagined.
I wanted to be cute, sarcastic, and funny...you know the way I like to think I write when I'm my normal witty self (of course I'm probably way off and no where close)! But, today is going to be straight to the point. Customer service (really good customer service) is pretty much non-existent and being that I've worked in c.s. for 13yrs, I can declare myself an expert as to what c.s. Should look like. Also, I've decided I should teach phone etiquette courses (I'll save that for another time).
Back to the point...this month I made a point to tell anyone that was supposed to be delivering c.s. to me and actually did it without making it seem like I was ruining their day for picking their check out line, that they are doing a great job!
The way I see it I was not only boosting the ego of some guy/girl actually doing their job, but I was helping make the interaction for the next person in line, on the phone, or whatever it may be, more enjoyable. Everyone likes to hear that they are doing a good job! It makes you want to keep doing what you're doing and maybe even do it a little better. And, I don't know about you, but when I have friendly people help me it makes that experience a much more pleasant one.
I could/would rant and rave on all of my horrible experiences with c.s. and complain about how it is a lost art these days, but lucky for you my hands feel like they are on fire and I want to cut my arms off ;)
So, since this month is basically over; how about next month you are on the receiving end of good customer service you tell them "good job"! Give it a whirl...
6.28.2011
6.26.2011
Is that your sister...
The madre came for a visit this weekend and what a glorious belly laughing time we had! I wish I could say the reason for the visit was just because she wanted to see my beautiful face, but alas it was because the bf had some business thing in HHI. Hey, I'll take her any way I can get her.
Having the madre around makes everything right in my world. The sun shines brighter, the music sounds better, the drinks taste sweeter and there is endless amounts of laughter!!! She is my one true best friend in this world. Someone I can always count on being there for me. Now one would think this is obvious because she is the person who birthed me, but I know people who are not friends with their mothers. They can't share everything with them and while I feel some sadness that they don't have that, I also realize that they do share a special bond with their madres...just slightly different. I know some people think I'm bat shit crazy for telling my mom everything and they can't wrap their pretty heads around the fact that we're friends!
This was not always the case...oh no...it surely was not!!! We did not get along from the time that I was 13 to about 20...give or take. This was because she refused to be my friend. She was adamant about being my mother first! These were the times that I shoved my stubborn independence in her face and she was quick to put in my place.
Case in point: I got accepted to my dream college, but informed her I would be staying close to home because I was "in love". Her response: Fine...you want to throw away your chance at attending the college you've wanted to attend since you were 10...YOU get to pay for school! And pay for school I did!!!
Now, I look back at those times with great appreciation, but I sure didn't appreciate it then. She has taught me many great life lessons and if I may toot my own horn, I think I've turned into a self-sufficient, well rounded, good hearted young lady because of it!! Okay...lady may be stretching it a little ;)
Thank you madre for being my mother first and now being my best friend!! Lucky lucky (almost a) lady I am!
So, back to this weekends visit...it was much needed for both of us. To talk and share how we are feeling about the situation with my sister (something I'm sure I'll delve deeper into on another post...but now is not the time) and to be our hilarious selves when we are together (I'm pretty sure we are the only ones who think we're insanely funny).
Her boyfriend, whom I am always inclined to refer to as Mac Daddy (bc his name is Lewis, but likes to refer to himself as Mac...duh), could not get over how much the madre and I are alike. I'm sure I heard "you're just like your mother" a million times and why thank you for that compliment Mr. Mac daddy! NO...I never did call him that to his face because I'm sure it is highly inappropriate. But, the common theme of the weekend by the people we encountered was how much alike (looks and personality wise) we are. I mean I knew there were many similarities, but it was almost ridiculous how many people commented on it and I guess that makes us twins now?!? I think the madre was getting a little annoyed by all the comments on how much alike we are. That and the fact that I would respond with "thanks, she gets her good looks from me!"
Now for the good stuff! The list of funny things that came out of the madres mouth this weekend...(well funny to us at least)
"I like this 3 course shit!" ~madre referring to the specials menu at Reillys
"There are hazards to trying to be cool at 50" ~madre talking about how her belly button ring gets stuck on the counter at work...mind you she is not quite 50 yet
"You don't need to find the Tequila IT will find you!" ~ Mac Daddy...kudos for making a funny
"The way I see it I'm getting my daily water intake" ~madre talking about the benefits/her love of water and vodka
Madre- I think I have a new Nickname for a penis!
Me- ooookay (with a confused look on my face)...what is it?
Madre- a monkey wrench!
Me- why? (very confused still)
Madre- I don't know,but while we were car dancing on the ride home last night to Dave Matthews one of his songs where he is singing about monkeys came on and when I woke up this morning the nickname just came to me
Me- just staring at her and trying to figure out how a penis is like a monkey wrench
Madre- blurts out...swing that monkey wrench my way
Me- uncontrollably laughing and slightly disturbed (I don't know why, but I find sexual jokes/references f-ing hilarious)
There was so much more, but unfortunately I didn't write it all down and my memory is less than spectacular! Ahhhh great times and can't wait to see her in two weeks for our skydiving excursion!
Having the madre around makes everything right in my world. The sun shines brighter, the music sounds better, the drinks taste sweeter and there is endless amounts of laughter!!! She is my one true best friend in this world. Someone I can always count on being there for me. Now one would think this is obvious because she is the person who birthed me, but I know people who are not friends with their mothers. They can't share everything with them and while I feel some sadness that they don't have that, I also realize that they do share a special bond with their madres...just slightly different. I know some people think I'm bat shit crazy for telling my mom everything and they can't wrap their pretty heads around the fact that we're friends!
This was not always the case...oh no...it surely was not!!! We did not get along from the time that I was 13 to about 20...give or take. This was because she refused to be my friend. She was adamant about being my mother first! These were the times that I shoved my stubborn independence in her face and she was quick to put in my place.
Case in point: I got accepted to my dream college, but informed her I would be staying close to home because I was "in love". Her response: Fine...you want to throw away your chance at attending the college you've wanted to attend since you were 10...YOU get to pay for school! And pay for school I did!!!
Now, I look back at those times with great appreciation, but I sure didn't appreciate it then. She has taught me many great life lessons and if I may toot my own horn, I think I've turned into a self-sufficient, well rounded, good hearted young lady because of it!! Okay...lady may be stretching it a little ;)
Thank you madre for being my mother first and now being my best friend!! Lucky lucky (almost a) lady I am!
So, back to this weekends visit...it was much needed for both of us. To talk and share how we are feeling about the situation with my sister (something I'm sure I'll delve deeper into on another post...but now is not the time) and to be our hilarious selves when we are together (I'm pretty sure we are the only ones who think we're insanely funny).
Her boyfriend, whom I am always inclined to refer to as Mac Daddy (bc his name is Lewis, but likes to refer to himself as Mac...duh), could not get over how much the madre and I are alike. I'm sure I heard "you're just like your mother" a million times and why thank you for that compliment Mr. Mac daddy! NO...I never did call him that to his face because I'm sure it is highly inappropriate. But, the common theme of the weekend by the people we encountered was how much alike (looks and personality wise) we are. I mean I knew there were many similarities, but it was almost ridiculous how many people commented on it and I guess that makes us twins now?!? I think the madre was getting a little annoyed by all the comments on how much alike we are. That and the fact that I would respond with "thanks, she gets her good looks from me!"
Now for the good stuff! The list of funny things that came out of the madres mouth this weekend...(well funny to us at least)
"I like this 3 course shit!" ~madre referring to the specials menu at Reillys
"There are hazards to trying to be cool at 50" ~madre talking about how her belly button ring gets stuck on the counter at work...mind you she is not quite 50 yet
"You don't need to find the Tequila IT will find you!" ~ Mac Daddy...kudos for making a funny
"The way I see it I'm getting my daily water intake" ~madre talking about the benefits/her love of water and vodka
Madre- I think I have a new Nickname for a penis!
Me- ooookay (with a confused look on my face)...what is it?
Madre- a monkey wrench!
Me- why? (very confused still)
Madre- I don't know,but while we were car dancing on the ride home last night to Dave Matthews one of his songs where he is singing about monkeys came on and when I woke up this morning the nickname just came to me
Me- just staring at her and trying to figure out how a penis is like a monkey wrench
Madre- blurts out...swing that monkey wrench my way
Me- uncontrollably laughing and slightly disturbed (I don't know why, but I find sexual jokes/references f-ing hilarious)
There was so much more, but unfortunately I didn't write it all down and my memory is less than spectacular! Ahhhh great times and can't wait to see her in two weeks for our skydiving excursion!
6.12.2011
50 ?'s to free your mind...
I heard or rather read about these 50 ?'s to free your mind and was immediately intrigued. I quickly googled and then copy and pasted these thought provokers into my notes and there they have stayed for months. I from time to time will re-visit them in hopes that my brain will want to take a stab at actually answering some of these and each time I tap out. I think this is because I read each question and become overwhelmed? Possibly! Or, my brain is lazy. I have decided to take a new approach and will take this one question at a time. I will not search for the question that I feel most comfortable starting with and inevitably scare myself off from even starting to think about answering any of them.
So, here we go...the first question of the 50 that will hopefully "free" my mind.
1)Which is worse, failing or never trying?
I'm going to go with never trying! But, since this is about being 100 with yourself; I'm gonna call myself out and say that too often I have shied away from trying something in fear of failing! I think this is due to the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist and want to be the best at everything. I know that the fear of failing has held me back from what could have been awesome experiences or at the very least, a really funny story. Once I realized this I made a more conscience effort to kick that fears ass!
It is okay to try and fail! It can lead to some amazing learning experiences. Or, like I said some great belly laughing tales. Sure, sometimes you may feel a little bruised after your attempt ends in a big fat FAIL, but how boring to always sit on the sidelines of life to keep your ego intact?! I have adopted the laughing it off method when my attempts go awry. It works and burns calories!
Now, how amazing would I be if I always followed this method?! Super, but unfortunately I would also be a liar and well, liars are not cool in my book. So, yes, I have those moments when I've tried something (like casting the shrimp net) and was less than successful (but still pretty freaking good for my very first time mind you) and get frustrated (because it wasn't perfect) and want to throw my hands up in the air and stomp my feet like a two year old. I may curse and get snippy with whomever is lending kind tips of advice and deliver looks that could kill.I eventually end up reeling myself in, taking deep breaths and then try again with fierce determination. Yeah, I can be pretty ridiculous!
The point is I'm making more of an effort to try more things instead of letting fear grip me by the balls (metaphorically speaking of course! If we want to be more anatomically correct, I suppose I would say: instead of letting fear grip me by the labia? That would hurt). And, while the thought of failing will make my heart beat faster and my palms sweaty; the thought of never trying has become far more terrifying!
What about you...do you fear failing or never trying? I'm curious...
So, here we go...the first question of the 50 that will hopefully "free" my mind.
1)Which is worse, failing or never trying?
I'm going to go with never trying! But, since this is about being 100 with yourself; I'm gonna call myself out and say that too often I have shied away from trying something in fear of failing! I think this is due to the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist and want to be the best at everything. I know that the fear of failing has held me back from what could have been awesome experiences or at the very least, a really funny story. Once I realized this I made a more conscience effort to kick that fears ass!
It is okay to try and fail! It can lead to some amazing learning experiences. Or, like I said some great belly laughing tales. Sure, sometimes you may feel a little bruised after your attempt ends in a big fat FAIL, but how boring to always sit on the sidelines of life to keep your ego intact?! I have adopted the laughing it off method when my attempts go awry. It works and burns calories!
Now, how amazing would I be if I always followed this method?! Super, but unfortunately I would also be a liar and well, liars are not cool in my book. So, yes, I have those moments when I've tried something (like casting the shrimp net) and was less than successful (but still pretty freaking good for my very first time mind you) and get frustrated (because it wasn't perfect) and want to throw my hands up in the air and stomp my feet like a two year old. I may curse and get snippy with whomever is lending kind tips of advice and deliver looks that could kill.I eventually end up reeling myself in, taking deep breaths and then try again with fierce determination. Yeah, I can be pretty ridiculous!
The point is I'm making more of an effort to try more things instead of letting fear grip me by the balls (metaphorically speaking of course! If we want to be more anatomically correct, I suppose I would say: instead of letting fear grip me by the labia? That would hurt). And, while the thought of failing will make my heart beat faster and my palms sweaty; the thought of never trying has become far more terrifying!
What about you...do you fear failing or never trying? I'm curious...
6.08.2011
Adult time out...
I should be:
Cleaning the bathroom, doing dishes, doing laundry, paying bills, fixing dinner, and all of those other things necessary to keep a house.
Instead I'm:
Taking an adult "time out" and loving the ever fucking shit out of it! And, yes I'm being vulgar by cursing, but sometimes it feels so damn good!! Don't judge and if you do, kindly click off my blog and have a great fucking day.
I'm sitting on my front porch, sipping red wine, listening to great tunes, and soaking in the beauty of nature....oh and writing...obviously! I'm "stopping to smell the roses". Taking time to do the simple things that makes this heart of mine so ridiculously happy!
The dishes, laundry, bills, etc. will all be here tomorrow and sometimes you just need to leave the chores for another day and enjoy the moment! Find the things that make your heart happy and make it a priority to add them into the rotation of daily life. Allow yourself a time out from the "adult" life...it can be good for your soul.
Carpe fucking diem...
Cleaning the bathroom, doing dishes, doing laundry, paying bills, fixing dinner, and all of those other things necessary to keep a house.
Instead I'm:
Taking an adult "time out" and loving the ever fucking shit out of it! And, yes I'm being vulgar by cursing, but sometimes it feels so damn good!! Don't judge and if you do, kindly click off my blog and have a great fucking day.
I'm sitting on my front porch, sipping red wine, listening to great tunes, and soaking in the beauty of nature....oh and writing...obviously! I'm "stopping to smell the roses". Taking time to do the simple things that makes this heart of mine so ridiculously happy!
The dishes, laundry, bills, etc. will all be here tomorrow and sometimes you just need to leave the chores for another day and enjoy the moment! Find the things that make your heart happy and make it a priority to add them into the rotation of daily life. Allow yourself a time out from the "adult" life...it can be good for your soul.
Carpe fucking diem...
6.02.2011
Keeping up with the 101....
Touching on a few things on my list...some a success and others a big fail!
#9 self breast exam once per month = success
#13 sky diving... Planning on a weekend trip with the madre and sister 7/9/11 weekend. Whoop whoop....SUPER excited! This could be quite interesting though because I'm almost certain the madre is ready to shove my sis out of the plane without a parachute.
#15 get an iPhone... Hopefully within the next two weeks and did I mention I don't have to pay for it?! Helloooo company phone :)
#19/20 involves calling some out of town familia once per month... Success! Go me for making the effort.
#22 mud run with Blum... Can I just tell you how excited I am to make this happen! Super! I don't really like running, but so pumped to push myself on a physical level and accomplish this goal. Started training for it two weeks ago and I have a loooong way to go. I probably won't be able to keep up with Blum who has already participated in marathons, BUT I'm going to try!
#47 get heating/air issue fixed in my car... Big fat FAIL! This is not pleasant seeing as how the sweltering heat is kicking in. Combined with the fact that Isweat glisten...let's just say not the best situation!
#48 read one book per month suggested by someone else... Hello fail how are you? Yeah...I need to work on this one :/
#59/60 pedicure once per month/ massage every other... Well wouldn't you know...FAIL! I'm thinking I need to make this a once per quarter thing? A little more obtainable...maybe? Seeing as how most of the extra cash flow is going towards gas to skip town on the weekends or if in town towards boating. Ohhh and to iTunes because I'm obsessed!
#69 stretch in the a.m. to help with fiby... Success! Whew finally :) I do imagine that the site of my morning stretch would be quite hilarious. I picture it resembling that of a ratard attempting to do gymnastics in a small space. You know...a lot of flopping around on my bed. I can't believe I just told on myself!
#78 write my thoughts down... Thanks to this here bloggy poo...I'm doing a decent job. I've also been using my journal for thoughts I prefer to keep private.
#84 less E! News and more real news... Well I did what I said I would NEVER do...I joined Twitter! Yup...I'm a tweeter (and that makes me giggle because when I was younger I used to refer to my lady parts as a tweeter)! I had to start a twitter account for the company I work for and realized I can keep up with real news via this little gem. So, I very recently signed up for my own personal account...we shall see how long it lasts. I am more informed on real news now though!
#9 self breast exam once per month = success
#13 sky diving... Planning on a weekend trip with the madre and sister 7/9/11 weekend. Whoop whoop....SUPER excited! This could be quite interesting though because I'm almost certain the madre is ready to shove my sis out of the plane without a parachute.
#15 get an iPhone... Hopefully within the next two weeks and did I mention I don't have to pay for it?! Helloooo company phone :)
#19/20 involves calling some out of town familia once per month... Success! Go me for making the effort.
#22 mud run with Blum... Can I just tell you how excited I am to make this happen! Super! I don't really like running, but so pumped to push myself on a physical level and accomplish this goal. Started training for it two weeks ago and I have a loooong way to go. I probably won't be able to keep up with Blum who has already participated in marathons, BUT I'm going to try!
#47 get heating/air issue fixed in my car... Big fat FAIL! This is not pleasant seeing as how the sweltering heat is kicking in. Combined with the fact that I
#48 read one book per month suggested by someone else... Hello fail how are you? Yeah...I need to work on this one :/
#59/60 pedicure once per month/ massage every other... Well wouldn't you know...FAIL! I'm thinking I need to make this a once per quarter thing? A little more obtainable...maybe? Seeing as how most of the extra cash flow is going towards gas to skip town on the weekends or if in town towards boating. Ohhh and to iTunes because I'm obsessed!
#69 stretch in the a.m. to help with fiby... Success! Whew finally :) I do imagine that the site of my morning stretch would be quite hilarious. I picture it resembling that of a ratard attempting to do gymnastics in a small space. You know...a lot of flopping around on my bed. I can't believe I just told on myself!
#78 write my thoughts down... Thanks to this here bloggy poo...I'm doing a decent job. I've also been using my journal for thoughts I prefer to keep private.
#84 less E! News and more real news... Well I did what I said I would NEVER do...I joined Twitter! Yup...I'm a tweeter (and that makes me giggle because when I was younger I used to refer to my lady parts as a tweeter)! I had to start a twitter account for the company I work for and realized I can keep up with real news via this little gem. So, I very recently signed up for my own personal account...we shall see how long it lasts. I am more informed on real news now though!
5.28.2011
Funny randoms or random funnies...
I like to put notes in my phone for lots of different reasons and then forget about the nifty little feature! I will want to remind myself of something I need to look up, groceries I need to get, things I need to do, and funny things people say. I like to act like I use the notes feature on the regular, but the problem is I really don't use it all that often and the reminders are quickly forgotten. Then I'll need to remind myself about something or not want to forget a funny quote and I resort back to my notes and it really is just a vicious cycle of attempted reminders.
The fun part is stumbling upon the old notes and reading the quotes/sayings that I found hilarious at one time or another. The problem is I don't really remember who said them or what was taking place. I thought I would share with you...
~ "You look like a sexy candy panda today"
~ "Thanks a lot you tasty muffin snake"
~ "Your big hands grabbed my little puppies and went to town"
~ "It's just like a magic show..except you're using a vagina"
~ "I swear she speaks another English"
~ "I would never put peppermint candy or maple syrup in my va-jj!"
They are so random that it makes me giggle...
The fun part is stumbling upon the old notes and reading the quotes/sayings that I found hilarious at one time or another. The problem is I don't really remember who said them or what was taking place. I thought I would share with you...
~ "You look like a sexy candy panda today"
~ "Thanks a lot you tasty muffin snake"
~ "Your big hands grabbed my little puppies and went to town"
~ "It's just like a magic show..except you're using a vagina"
~ "I swear she speaks another English"
~ "I would never put peppermint candy or maple syrup in my va-jj!"
They are so random that it makes me giggle...
5.26.2011
R.A.O.K May edition...
I will begin by stating that this months random act of kindness feels like a cop out. Why you may ask? Well, because I feel like I should do more!
With Mother Natures hell bent fury raging across the world; many people are suffering, grieving, homeless, and left to pick up the pieces. My heart breaks for them. The pictures of the devastation that flashes on the news and many social media outlets, brings a tear to my eye. I want to DO something to help!
I have researched some organizations that are reaching out to those in need and have asked some friends their opinions on who is best to donate to. I ended up with the Red Cross. I feel good with this choice, knowing that my donation will be used for its intended purpose. To help those in need. I chose to donate to the disaster relief, mainly because of all of the destruction due to the Tornado outbreaks.
I would much rather actually be doing something to help instead of sending money, but I have resorted to funding those who can be there. And, I am thankful for those people who volunteer their time to help those in need...I admire them!
I urge that everyone please do their part...send what you can. I'm not asking you break the bank, but send a $10 donation (or more) and HELP those who need it. You never know when YOU will be in need and hoping some kind person reading a blog becomes inspired to donate!
Or if you can...go lend a hand and then please do share the experience.
Please visit: www.redcross.org OR research an organization you deem worthy and let me know about it!
Pay it forward...
With Mother Natures hell bent fury raging across the world; many people are suffering, grieving, homeless, and left to pick up the pieces. My heart breaks for them. The pictures of the devastation that flashes on the news and many social media outlets, brings a tear to my eye. I want to DO something to help!
I have researched some organizations that are reaching out to those in need and have asked some friends their opinions on who is best to donate to. I ended up with the Red Cross. I feel good with this choice, knowing that my donation will be used for its intended purpose. To help those in need. I chose to donate to the disaster relief, mainly because of all of the destruction due to the Tornado outbreaks.
I would much rather actually be doing something to help instead of sending money, but I have resorted to funding those who can be there. And, I am thankful for those people who volunteer their time to help those in need...I admire them!
I urge that everyone please do their part...send what you can. I'm not asking you break the bank, but send a $10 donation (or more) and HELP those who need it. You never know when YOU will be in need and hoping some kind person reading a blog becomes inspired to donate!
Or if you can...go lend a hand and then please do share the experience.
Please visit: www.redcross.org OR research an organization you deem worthy and let me know about it!
Pay it forward...
5.22.2011
Sticks and stones....
May break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Yeah that cute little saying is complete bullshit! Words DO hurt!!! Want to know what else hurts? One of your best friends making excuses as to why these awful things were said about me. Yeah, that was a punch in the gut.
It was brought to my attention last night that this person who I will refer to as Mr. Douche, had some very nice things to say about me to my friend. Things I will not repeat and have left me feeling less than wonderful. Mr. Douche and I have not always been on the best of terms and often butt heads when we arrive upon the topic of goals, jobs, and ambition. We also have bad history from probably the second worst night of my life, July 4th two summers ago. I tolerate him because one of my best friends happens to be dating him; despite the fact that he has given her plenty of reasons to kick his douche baggy ass to the curb.
Once his comments were brought to my attention the ill feelings I have towards him were firmly cemented. I borderline hate him and I really dislike saying that I hate someone because it just feels wrong. But, he is deeming himself worthy of that feeling at this moment.
Today I politely expressed my utter distatse for Mr. Douche to my best friend and apologized ahead of time at the distance that is bound to come between us because I will NO longer be tolerating him for her. She says she understands and loves me and we continue to soak in the sun and beautiful surroundings on the dock. Minutes later Mr. Douche sails up to the dock and while he tries to start conversation I give nothing but short responses. He asks why I'm being Miss Grumpy today and I tell him because I really don't care for him. A few other words are exchanged as I'm getting up to leave and I exit with a, "You can go fuck yourself"! The words felt amazing as they escaped my lips. The violent shaking and tears that erupted once in my car; however, did not feel so amazing.
A while later the best friend calls to apologize that she didn't say anything to stick up for me. She freezes in these type of situations. Okay, I get it, I wasn't expecting her to say anything. But it is what she said AFTER that has left me feeling slightly numb. She gives me a lame excuse as to why Mr. Douche had reason to say what he said about me. She is trying to make it somehow okay that he said these things! She apologizes that he is so mean to me and tells me she doesnt know why he is like that, but it seems he is sort of targetting me. Followed by I love you and I don't want this to hurt our friendship. I was still reeling from the excuse and I told her I needed time to digest everything and I meant what I said when I was exiting the dock.
I'm trying to not let this bother me. These awful perceptions of me came out of the mouth of someone who means nothing to me. I can rise above and be the better person. But right now, the words fucking hurt...
It was brought to my attention last night that this person who I will refer to as Mr. Douche, had some very nice things to say about me to my friend. Things I will not repeat and have left me feeling less than wonderful. Mr. Douche and I have not always been on the best of terms and often butt heads when we arrive upon the topic of goals, jobs, and ambition. We also have bad history from probably the second worst night of my life, July 4th two summers ago. I tolerate him because one of my best friends happens to be dating him; despite the fact that he has given her plenty of reasons to kick his douche baggy ass to the curb.
Once his comments were brought to my attention the ill feelings I have towards him were firmly cemented. I borderline hate him and I really dislike saying that I hate someone because it just feels wrong. But, he is deeming himself worthy of that feeling at this moment.
Today I politely expressed my utter distatse for Mr. Douche to my best friend and apologized ahead of time at the distance that is bound to come between us because I will NO longer be tolerating him for her. She says she understands and loves me and we continue to soak in the sun and beautiful surroundings on the dock. Minutes later Mr. Douche sails up to the dock and while he tries to start conversation I give nothing but short responses. He asks why I'm being Miss Grumpy today and I tell him because I really don't care for him. A few other words are exchanged as I'm getting up to leave and I exit with a, "You can go fuck yourself"! The words felt amazing as they escaped my lips. The violent shaking and tears that erupted once in my car; however, did not feel so amazing.
A while later the best friend calls to apologize that she didn't say anything to stick up for me. She freezes in these type of situations. Okay, I get it, I wasn't expecting her to say anything. But it is what she said AFTER that has left me feeling slightly numb. She gives me a lame excuse as to why Mr. Douche had reason to say what he said about me. She is trying to make it somehow okay that he said these things! She apologizes that he is so mean to me and tells me she doesnt know why he is like that, but it seems he is sort of targetting me. Followed by I love you and I don't want this to hurt our friendship. I was still reeling from the excuse and I told her I needed time to digest everything and I meant what I said when I was exiting the dock.
I'm trying to not let this bother me. These awful perceptions of me came out of the mouth of someone who means nothing to me. I can rise above and be the better person. But right now, the words fucking hurt...
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