Ooops...

I did it again! I developed feelings for someone. Or maybe not so much feelings, but the feeling that I lost control of the situation? I think that could be be it. I felt in control and when I'm in control of where things are heading I'm comfortable. The minute that the guy starts to take the reigns of the situation, I lose all comfort. I begin to second guess myself and I very much do not like that feeling. I am a complicated one and I know this! I have to work on allowing my heart to be open. It's just when I feel like I'm opening my heart is when people walk all over it. I don't know how to play the dating game. The minute I start to really care about someone, that is it...I will end up caring for them throughout my existence. That is unless they are extremely mean to me and make me hate them. Which is a hard thing to do because I rarely hate people! I want to find the good in everyone! I want to think that we all have our moments where we aren't shining stars and we treat others poorly, but deep down we are good! That is the fool in me! I'm beginning to think that I'm destined to remain single. Not that I would be terribly upset by this because I know that I will live a happy and successful life with or without someone. It's just that with my experiences, dating isn't working in my favor. Of course one could argue that I simply haven't met the one that is for me. This also could be true, but with what I have to choose from in my area...I'm going to say that I'll probably have to move to actually find who is right for me! I'm not ready to move. So, now I'm feeling like I have no choice but to put the walls back up...