Funny randoms or random funnies...

I like to put notes in my phone for lots of different reasons and then forget about the nifty little feature! I will want to remind myself of something I need to look up, groceries I need to get, things I need to do, and funny things people say. I like to act like I use the notes feature on the regular, but the problem is I really don't use it all that often and the reminders are quickly forgotten. Then I'll need to remind myself about something or not want to forget a funny quote and I resort back to my notes and it really is just a vicious cycle of attempted reminders.

The fun part is stumbling upon the old notes and reading the quotes/sayings that I found hilarious at one time or another. The problem is I don't really remember who said them or what was taking place. I thought I would share with you...

~ "You look like a sexy candy panda today"

~ "Thanks a lot you tasty muffin snake"

~ "Your big hands grabbed my little puppies and went to town"

~ "It's just like a magic show..except you're using a vagina"

~ "I swear she speaks another English"

~ "I would never put peppermint candy or maple syrup in my va-jj!"

They are so random that it makes me giggle...

R.A.O.K May edition...

I will begin by stating that this months random act of kindness feels like a cop out. Why you may ask? Well, because I feel like I should do more!

With Mother Natures hell bent fury raging across the world; many people are suffering, grieving, homeless, and left to pick up the pieces. My heart breaks for them. The pictures of the devastation that flashes on the news and many social media outlets, brings a tear to my eye. I want to DO something to help!

I have researched some organizations that are reaching out to those in need and have asked some friends their opinions on who is best to donate to. I ended up with the Red Cross. I feel good with this choice, knowing that my donation will be used for its intended purpose. To help those in need. I chose to donate to the disaster relief, mainly because of all of the destruction due to the Tornado outbreaks.

I would much rather actually be doing something to help instead of sending money, but I have resorted to funding those who can be there. And, I am thankful for those people who volunteer their time to help those in need...I admire them!

I urge that everyone please do their part...send what you can. I'm not asking you break the bank, but send a $10 donation (or more) and HELP those who need it. You never know when YOU will be in need and hoping some kind person reading a blog becomes inspired to donate!

Or if you can...go lend a hand and then please do share the experience.


Please visit: www.redcross.org OR research an organization you deem worthy and let me know about it!

Pay it forward...

Sticks and stones....

May break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Yeah that cute little saying is complete bullshit! Words DO hurt!!! Want to know what else hurts? One of your best friends making excuses as to why these awful things were said about me. Yeah, that was a punch in the gut.

It was brought to my attention last night that this person who I will refer to as Mr. Douche, had some very nice things to say about me to my friend. Things I will not repeat and have left me feeling less than wonderful. Mr. Douche and I have not always been on the best of terms and often butt heads when we arrive upon the topic of goals, jobs, and ambition. We also have bad history from probably the second worst night of my life, July 4th two summers ago. I tolerate him because one of my best friends happens to be dating him; despite the fact that he has given her plenty of reasons to kick his douche baggy ass to the curb.

Once his comments were brought to my attention the ill feelings I have towards him were firmly cemented. I borderline hate him and I really dislike saying that I hate someone because it just feels wrong. But, he is deeming himself worthy of that feeling at this moment.

Today I politely expressed my utter distatse for Mr. Douche to my best friend and apologized ahead of time at the distance that is bound to come between us because I will NO longer be tolerating him for her. She says she understands and loves me and we continue to soak in the sun and beautiful surroundings on the dock. Minutes later Mr. Douche sails up to the dock and while he tries to start conversation I give nothing but short responses. He asks why I'm being Miss Grumpy today and I tell him because I really don't care for him. A few other words are exchanged as I'm getting up to leave and I exit with a, "You can go fuck yourself"! The words felt amazing as they escaped my lips. The violent shaking and tears that erupted once in my car; however, did not feel so amazing.

A while later the best friend calls to apologize that she didn't say anything to stick up for me. She freezes in these type of situations. Okay, I get it, I wasn't expecting her to say anything. But it is what she said AFTER that has left me feeling slightly numb. She gives me a lame excuse as to why Mr. Douche had reason to say what he said about me. She is trying to make it somehow okay that he said these things! She apologizes that he is so mean to me and tells me she doesnt know why he is like that, but it seems he is sort of targetting me. Followed by I love you and I don't want this to hurt our friendship. I was still reeling from the excuse and I told her I needed time to digest everything and I meant what I said when I was exiting the dock.

I'm trying to not let this bother me. These awful perceptions of me came out of the mouth of someone who means nothing to me. I can rise above and be the better person. But right now, the words fucking hurt...

The BEST answered prayer...

Kailey Elizabeth Adams, born this day 21 short years ago!

I'm going to take you back to a September morning in 1989 (I do not remember the exact date...I was only 6 and exact dates didn't matter to me then), a morning that I'm sure was like most mornings for my typical 6 yr old self. I'm sure I awoke grumpily, thumping down the steps while wiping sleep out of my eyes, and plopping myself in front of the tv to catch an episode of Gumby and My Little Ponies while the madre was probably trying to make me get moving. What was different that morning is that the madre told me she would have a present awaiting me when I returned from school! I just knew in my heart of hearts I was getting the Barbie doll I had been begging for. The Loving You Barbie (I tried uploading an image with no success...surprise surprise). I'm sure that I was bragging to all my friends at recess about my present that was waiting for me at home.

I remember getting off the school bus, the anticipation building...I remember climbing up the steps of our back porch and meeting the madre at the door searching her hands for a rectangular shaped box wrapped in pretty paper. No box! Instead she told me to look in her purse for my present. Good thinking madre...add to the suspense by putting it in your purse. She was good like that. No box! I'm pretty sure I gave her the what the hell look when I didn't see my precious Barbie. Instead she pulled out a picture and to me it looked like a black and white blob. You can imagine my disappointment...I felt like a balloon that deflated. That is until she told me what that black and white blob meant!

Let's back it up a little more. I was 6 at this point and as far back as my memory can take me I had wanted a brother or sister. Okay, so I really wanted a brother, but this is because my best friends were boys and I thought they were so cool! I remember asking the madre when I was going to get one and praying every night. I'm sure I told God that I would be a good girl if he gave me a brother or sister. I always liked being around babies and younger kids than me. I liked being older and "in charge".

So, when the madre told me that I was going to be a big sister my balloon filled right back up...so much so that it was near bursting. I finally got my wish...my prayer was answered! I loved my brother/sister so much even if he/she was just a blob. I was SO proud of that picture and it was the best surprise the madre ever gave me.

Fast forward to when this cute little girl came into the world. I was so proud to be her big sister. I made the madre bring her to my class for show and tell...true story! I couldn't wait to show her off to everyone! I did not like actually sharing her though because I thought she was all mine. Most of her baby pictures are of me holding her. I think the madre may have one or two of just them and the madres head is cut out...I was a lousy photographer. I even tried to get her to call me mommy when she started to talk. Can you say obsessed?

Growing up 7 years apart wasn't always peaches and cream. I didn't always want her around when I neared my teenage years and there were times when I was down right awful to her. Don't worry, she has paid me back! There are times when I act too much of the mother role and not enough of the big sister role. I am working on this! However, the one constant is the amount of love I have for my baby sister.

~Kailey... I am so thankful that God chose me to be your big sister. It is such a rewarding role in my life and I can only hope that as the years continue our bond will grow stronger. I know that my motherly tendencies drive you bat shit crazy, but I have a fierce love for you. I worry because I love. I push because I love. I want the very best that life has to offer and I want you to want that for yourself!

You are approaching an exciting time in your life! Forget the whole legally being able to drink...you've been sneaking (not successfully by the way) the madres booze for some time now ;) The exciting part is you are at an age where you can EXPLORE and make exciting things happen for your life. You have nothing holding you back from travel and discovering who you are!

I want to leave you with words of wisdom and inspire you in some way. I'm afraid I can't think of anything at the moment. Just remember this...don't be afraid of the mistakes you will make in life, take these as growing experiences. Don't be afraid to dig deep and ask yourself "what do I want from this life?". Then don't be afraid to do whatever it takes to make it happen! Remember that you can't make everyone happy with your life choices...just worry about making yourself happy! Don't live your life in the past...whatever you do don't do that. Our past wasn't always pretty, but it made us who we are today! If you spend your time in the past you won't be able to create your future.

I love you more than you will ever know boo! You are my best answered prayer.

"A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost."

On a side note: I never did get that Loving You Barbie...

I broke out the red wine again...

And not because I was crawling out of my skin this time. No, no not that, but a whole other mess of things...

I have internally been going through a crazy range of emotions. I've been digesting some realities that I wanted to bury. It is easier to live in the land of make believe and pretend this nightmare is really just that...a nightmare. I am not fully prepared to face the beast head on, but I know that day is coming. I'm trying to prepare myself.

My heart is breaking for one of my very best friends in the whole wide world. A woman who is a sister to me, who I am able to share my ugly past with and not feel shame or make excuses for those involved with it. Someone who gets me! Sadly because she experienced very similar situations. She is beginning the process of the big D and I want more than anything to mend her broken heart. To make it better, easier, less painful. But I can't! Instead, I give whatever advice I can and tell her I love her over and over. I know my words don't ease the pain, but the honest to goodness truth is...if I could take it from her, I would!

Do you think that when it comes to being in love there is a time limit? That you fall in love with a person and once you have learned whatever it is you were supposed to and evolved as much as you are going to evolve, it is time to move on to the next? I've only been in love once so I am far from an expert in this area. I gather this conclusion on what I have witnessed around me. Maybe we aren't supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives? Maybe that kind of lasting love is to be kept amongst friends and family? I don't know, but I'm getting sidetracked.

Back to where I was going...many of the people that I hold so dear to my heart are going through a hardship in one form or another. I want more than anything to take it away from them and make it instantaneously better. But, I know better! That is not how life works. They need to experience this time for one reason or another and when they come out on top, (because I have all the confidence in the world that they all will) they will reflect on these hardships with some joy in knowing they made it through. They will grow as individuals and be one step closer to who they are supposed to be. I just hope they know I'm a shoulder to cry on when they need it.

This is just the uber compassionate side of me coming out right now. This part of me that loves with every fiber in my being, that is beyond sentimental, that really feels for my loved ones when they are struggling. This is a part of who I am!

I'm not making much sense right now. I'm not sure if it is the red wine or the emotions all trying to rush out of me at once. I think it's time to switch to the journal...

ranting and raving...

Do you ever have moments when you want to jump out of your skin!? When you are completely and miserably uncomfortable in your body? When you just want to break free and go running for the hills? I do!!!

I couldn't tell you the reason why I get this way, but it does happen from time to time. It is a terrible feeling and leaves me highly irritated with everything and everyone. Which in turn leaves me highly irritated with myself because this isn't ME! Maybe it is a combination of the stress that builds up at work having to deal with the only person I've ever met that makes my blood boil in 2.5 seconds and Fiby playing her nasty tricks? I'm thinking I've hit the nail on the head!

Maybe I'm desperately grabbing onto every thread of sanity I have in me and on days such as these I'm losing the tug of war with Fiby? Maybe its my sanity trying to escape to take a fucking break? I'm telling you that I sometimes surprise myself with how well I handle Fiby because I can guarantee you living in pain EVERY fucking day of your life is more than enough to drive a person insane! I have my stubbornness to Thank for not caving in.

So, here I am trying to sooth my soul by letting the thoughts flow onto this post, sipping cheap (and surprisingly decent) red wine, and listening to music that speaks to me. Writing has always had a way of making me feel better..a way to release and let go. Unfortunately, Fiby has staked her claims on my brain as well and sometimes writing can leave me more frustrated than when I started. Not all of the time, but there are moments when I experience what they like to call Fibro fog and it leaves me feeling like a ratard (I spelled it that way on purpose)! The words I'm searching for, that ive used a million times before, playing hide and seek in my brain; taunting me by peaking out of the corners, but never fully showing themselves. Which results in blank stares (while I'm feverishly searching my brain) and something completely ridiculous stumbling out of my mouth or onto my posts. How did I end up here? Way to go brain for taking me on a different path!

I'm beginning to relax. I can feel my sanity nestling back to where it belongs. I no longer want to jump out of my skin! Yesssss...Thank you fibro fog for taking a backseat, wine for taking the edge off, and music for being so damn good to me! Now if only I had a tub so I could soak my aching body...

tag I'M it...

YES...I didn't know we get to play tag in the blogging world!!!??? Helloooo new element of fun!

So, my very dear friend Kristin has tagged me in her blog on 10 Things I Love. right now is where I'm frustrated because I'm attempting to link y'all to her blog....fail!

Now I get to share the things that I love...

1)books ~I will have either a library room or an entire wall that is a bookshelf filled with books in my future home. I love the feeling of thumbing through the pages of a book while getting lost in its story!

2)music ~seriously don't think I could go one day without it! I have an eclectic taste that ranges from classical to rap and everything in between. One of my fave things to do is have my iPad right next to me while laying in bed and pandora lulling me into a music coma. The sounds just wrapping their arms around me and pulling me in...getting lost in it.I like to get lost!?

3)my iPad ~even though blogging on this little gem leaves me frustrated! I am determined to master it!

4)sushi ~I think I might be borderline obsessed! The funny thing is I never let the stuff touch my lips until about 2 years ago and when I did it was the fried stuff. Now I choose raw over fried. Too bad it really isn't healthy for you :(

5)undies ~and typically from Victorias Secret! I know they are overpriced but I can't help it. I'm in love! In fact, I think I'm in need of a visit to Victorias Secret...

6)miniature things ~like mini bottles of booze, a frying pan that is only big enough for one egg...errr those are the only things that are in my head right now, but if I could actually post the pics I want to, you may know what I'm talking about.

7)dance central ~the game for xbox kinect. I love dancing...actually I think when booty shakin tunes come on my body just involuntarily starts to move! So this game is perfect for me. I will be getting an xbox and kinect (hopefully in the near future) and I'm sure this will lead to hours of dancing and perfecting the moves. Thinking of video games now makes me miss my NES and the games I so loved playing...like tetris. I want a nintendo nes again.

8)big coffee cups ~not sure why, but I absolutely love them. Probably because I have a love affair with coffee and this allows me to have more than one cup without feeling like I'm having more than one?!?

9)bear hugs ~only the best kind of hugs to get! Nothing like being squeezed so tight, like they just can't get enough.

10)being on the water ~or really just being surrounded by nature, but extra in love with being on the water (and if not out on the boat than at least by the water). It is so peaceful and soul soothing for me. Some of my fave "me time" is laying on the dock...with good tunes, a great book, and a delish cocktail.

There you have it, 10 Things I Love...

Row row row your boat...

Gently down the stream. OR, paddle your ass off so you don't go for a swim in the FREEZING river! I just got back from a great quick getaway; whitewater rafting in the Nantahala River in North Carolina. I am already dreaming up plans for a return trip!

The weekend getaway was much needed! Ended up meeting quite a few new people and probably not the crowd of people that I normally hang around, but for the most part all of them were fun. I could have done without one or two of them. A group of 13 of us stayed in a 3 story "cabin" that was gorgeous and the view was AWESOME! I wish I could share the pics that I snapped from my phone...one day I'll figure it out. But off of the middle/main floor was a wrap around porch and you could sit out there and see the luscious mountains surrounding you.

Saturday we spent the morning whitewater rafting. Had to take two rafts and my raft was the fun raft...OF COURSE ;). We spent the three hour trip laughing, whooping up a storm, going down some of the rapids sideways or backwards (on purpose...gotta switch it up sometimes), trying to play bumper boats with the other groups raft(I don't think they liked that so much), and taking almost every comment someone said to a sexual place or just being very blunt. It was a BLAST! The only downside was the fact that the water was cold freezing. My feet were so cold that about 10 min in I couldn't feel them anymore and when we would hit a rapid sideways (felt like we always went my side leading the way) my entire bottom half would get drenched. You can imagine what other parts of my body temporarily lost feeling! But, freezing water temps aside, it was quite the fun experience and one I definitely want to do again and again and again.

That afternoon a small group of us went on a hike near our cabin (the majority stayed behind to enjoy the hot tub) and the views were breathtaking. Being surrounded by the beauty of nature is an intoxicating experience for me. Always has been for as long as i can remember. My racing thoughts take a time-out and I can just be in the moment. I imagine this is what meditating would feel like if I could just master it. I'm pretty sure the hike was the highlight of my trip. Don't get me wrong the rafting was f-ing amazing and fun, but I was in need of some soul soothing and the hike did the trick. I definitely need more soul soothing! I will be looking for good trails to explore closer to me.

Today Fiby has been making me suffer for having too much fun! A price I'm willing to pay to ENJOY my life. I'm just wishing that I could go a few hours without feeling anything...

For the record...

I fit into a size 2 pair of Ralph Lauren cotton pants today! I have to describe the type of pants because as women, we know that every different brand means you're a different size. I could be a 6 in let's say, Ann Taylor and a, "that's funny that you even tried" in Abercrombie. Their sizes are really ridiculous and would make an anorexic feel overweight (my opinion of course...plus I'm "too old" for that look). Anyways, back to me in a size 2!!!

I was getting ready for work (woke up pretty late, by the way) and decided to throw these gems on for shits and giggles. I was running low on cute work pants. I fully anticipated the disappointing moment of when the zipper doesn't quite zip all the way up and good fucking luck with clasping that shit. BUT, much to my surprise, the zipper went up and the clasp, clasped! I didn't even have to go the whole day without breathing (you know, when you trick yourself into a size you want to be in...I've done this several times)! I tried these same pants on two weeks ago and there was NO way of making that happen. Needles to say, I did a happy dance all around the room.

I don't mean to brag...okay maybe I do! BUT, I've been working really hard and it is these small moments that are huge victories for me! The scale only tells me I've lost 3 lousy pounds and these moments let me know that I'm moving in the right direction. Wooohooo to looking better nakie!

On a side note: I went on a date tonight with a guy who admittedly likes watching Dancing With The Stars. I told him he should keep his dating options open...

A tribute to Mothers...

Today is a day where we all celebrate Mothers and women who have played big roles in our lives! I am BLESSED to say that I have many inspirational mother-like figures in my life in addition to my own absolutely amazing mother! I don't know how I got so lucky, but sure am Thankful for it.

I am truly amazed by you women! Now that I'm at an age where I can really grasp what it means to be a mother and fully understand what my own mother went through, I applaud you ladies. Actually, I think y'all deserve a standing ovation. From what I've witnessed, motherhood is the most selfless, grueling (at times), under appreciated,and extremely rewarding JOB! A job that I too hope to have...one day.

To my own mother(or Madre as I like to call her)~

My best friend, my teacher, and my inspiration. I can't even begin to Thank You enough for guiding me in this crazy life and for ALWAYS being there! For having so much strength to endure almost anything and never have it touch our world. For not giving up on your own happiness. For teaching me the importance of making yourself happy FIRST; how can you make other people in your life happy when you aren't? For being beyond understanding and patient. For making me learn the hard way...seriously, THANK YOU! I appreciate my successes so much more now. For being so open and allowing me to share EVERYTHING with you...the only person to know all my secrets. For loving me unconditionally! Ohhh and for being so funny ;)

Madre, you are truly one amazing woman! I can only hope to be half the woman and mother that you are. I love you MUCHO GRANDE!!! Como se llama....BITCHES! Ahhhhh Kelly Clarkson! ( had to throw some of our humor in there for ya)!

To all you other lovely ladies in my life who are mamas/my inspiration~ I love you all! You are all amazing and wonderful! My hat goes off to you.

Happy Mothers Day! Now, go Thank the women in your life who have inspired you...




P.s. For the mothers who are no longer with us: you have a place in our hearts.

In Loving Memory...

Mercedes Joy Genovese
December 9,1935~February 6, 2011

"Remembered Joy"
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free, I followed the plan God laid for me. I saw His face, I heard His call, I took His hand and left it all...

I could not stay another day, To love, to laugh, or to play And undone tasks must stay that way.

If my parting has left you a void, Then fill it with remembered joy. A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss....
These things I, too, shall miss.

My life's been full I've savored much: Good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch. Perhaps my time seemed all to brief, Don't shorten yours with undue grief.

Be not burdened with tears of sorrow, Enjoy the sunset of the morrow.


~ Today my wonderful West Coast family (and other family who could make the trip) is CELEBRATING the life of my wonderful Aunt Joy!! She passed in February (the absolute WORST month of the year...I'll explain sometime later), but they chose to honor her today because it is Derby Day. Every year my Aunt Joy would throw a big party at her house and she absolutely adored that time. I'm sad to say that I have never made it to one of these events because of the distance. I wish more than anything that I could be there today to partake in this special day and be with my amazing family! But, the distance,expense, and time I don't have to take off work made it near impossible. Writing that now makes it seem all like one big excuse. Wishing I would have racked up some credit card debt, left on a friday night only to return on Sunday, and dealt with the jet lag. Enough of that.

I don't even know how to begin to describe my Aunt Joy. AMAZING, is the word that comes to mind. She was such a strong, caring, loving, funny, and SMART woman. Growing up, I didn't see her hardly any because she lived in California with her husband and children. But, the times that I did spend with her meant the world to me. The moment that sticks out the most would be when she and I were sitting at Henrys Bar in Charleston, Sc. It was the Hotchkiss girls trip and my very first one because I was finally 21 and could partake in the festivities! I was SO looking forward to spending time with these wonderful women (all second cousins and great aunts...the madre was an only child). Anyway, back to Henrys Bar, Aunt Joy helped change my life! In true Aunt Joy fashion, she told me how stupid I was for staying in a relationship where I was clearly unhappy. Now of course, that is not how she said it. She had a way of telling you you were making a mistake, but with so much love and wisdom behind it that it didn't hurt your feelings. I will forever be grateful for her kind kick in the ass and for helping me wake up!

A few years later, I was lucky enough to experience the girls reunion at her beautiful home in California. Talk about a great time! The trip was not only so the girls could get together again, but it was also to honor my Aunt Connie who had passed the December prior (another wonderful woman, but she deserves her own blog). I think back on that time with such fondness. So much laughter and good times! I seriously ADORE that family.

The last memories I have of her is at my cousin Kimmies wedding. She passed not long after that. I am so thankful that she made the journey to share in a great day. I am thankful I was able to squeeze her tight and tell her how much I love her one more time.

My description of her doesn't even begin to do her justice, but I can tell you that her name was fitting for her. Aunt Joy, Thank You for being an inspiration! I will miss you every day, but will be celebrating your life today in Bluffton!

In her words: "We are here for a good time, not a long time!"...

Another year older....

And another year wiser! Or so they say.

I like to think that I'm like a fine wine; I get better with age ;) Of course that is my perception of myself and I'm biased! On a serious note, I'm pretty torn with how I feel about getting older. One half of me is perfectly okay with it. I'm enjoying the process of figuring myself out and finding out what I really want out of my life. I can appreciate the struggles/lessons of my younger days and how they have shaped the woman that I am today. I can only imagine that it is only going to get better because I hope to never cease to learn about myself/life.

The other part of me is a little nervous that I'm inching towards 30 (2years away now) and think about where I am NOT at in my life. Like, NOT married (or let's try single with no prospect of a lifetime partner). Not a mother. Not a homeowner. I think that is really it with the NOTS, but those are pretty big and heavy HAVES! I try to not let those thoughts crowd up too much of my brain, but I would be lying if I didn't say they sneak in from time to time!

It is funny because the me 10 years ago had my life planned out: I would go to college, marry my high school sweetheart, get married around age 24, and be popping out babies by 25! THANK GOD my 18 year old self had it ALL wrong!

I try not to give myself a time limit on where I have to be at in my life these days. I try to just go with the flow and experience this crazy ride we call life. However, like I said before, getting closer to 30 is making me think! Maybe it is just me digging deeper to figure out what I really want? Like, do I really want to get married when it seems that divorce is inevitable these days? Am I ready to be selfless and have a child? Do I really want the responsibilities of a household? The answer right now is....I don't know! I am at least, content with the fact that I know it will all work out exactly how God has planned it!

So, here's to enjoying the ride and learning more about ourselves as we go...