I broke out the red wine again...

And not because I was crawling out of my skin this time. No, no not that, but a whole other mess of things...

I have internally been going through a crazy range of emotions. I've been digesting some realities that I wanted to bury. It is easier to live in the land of make believe and pretend this nightmare is really just that...a nightmare. I am not fully prepared to face the beast head on, but I know that day is coming. I'm trying to prepare myself.

My heart is breaking for one of my very best friends in the whole wide world. A woman who is a sister to me, who I am able to share my ugly past with and not feel shame or make excuses for those involved with it. Someone who gets me! Sadly because she experienced very similar situations. She is beginning the process of the big D and I want more than anything to mend her broken heart. To make it better, easier, less painful. But I can't! Instead, I give whatever advice I can and tell her I love her over and over. I know my words don't ease the pain, but the honest to goodness truth is...if I could take it from her, I would!

Do you think that when it comes to being in love there is a time limit? That you fall in love with a person and once you have learned whatever it is you were supposed to and evolved as much as you are going to evolve, it is time to move on to the next? I've only been in love once so I am far from an expert in this area. I gather this conclusion on what I have witnessed around me. Maybe we aren't supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives? Maybe that kind of lasting love is to be kept amongst friends and family? I don't know, but I'm getting sidetracked.

Back to where I was going...many of the people that I hold so dear to my heart are going through a hardship in one form or another. I want more than anything to take it away from them and make it instantaneously better. But, I know better! That is not how life works. They need to experience this time for one reason or another and when they come out on top, (because I have all the confidence in the world that they all will) they will reflect on these hardships with some joy in knowing they made it through. They will grow as individuals and be one step closer to who they are supposed to be. I just hope they know I'm a shoulder to cry on when they need it.

This is just the uber compassionate side of me coming out right now. This part of me that loves with every fiber in my being, that is beyond sentimental, that really feels for my loved ones when they are struggling. This is a part of who I am!

I'm not making much sense right now. I'm not sure if it is the red wine or the emotions all trying to rush out of me at once. I think it's time to switch to the journal...