ranting and raving...

Do you ever have moments when you want to jump out of your skin!? When you are completely and miserably uncomfortable in your body? When you just want to break free and go running for the hills? I do!!!

I couldn't tell you the reason why I get this way, but it does happen from time to time. It is a terrible feeling and leaves me highly irritated with everything and everyone. Which in turn leaves me highly irritated with myself because this isn't ME! Maybe it is a combination of the stress that builds up at work having to deal with the only person I've ever met that makes my blood boil in 2.5 seconds and Fiby playing her nasty tricks? I'm thinking I've hit the nail on the head!

Maybe I'm desperately grabbing onto every thread of sanity I have in me and on days such as these I'm losing the tug of war with Fiby? Maybe its my sanity trying to escape to take a fucking break? I'm telling you that I sometimes surprise myself with how well I handle Fiby because I can guarantee you living in pain EVERY fucking day of your life is more than enough to drive a person insane! I have my stubbornness to Thank for not caving in.

So, here I am trying to sooth my soul by letting the thoughts flow onto this post, sipping cheap (and surprisingly decent) red wine, and listening to music that speaks to me. Writing has always had a way of making me feel better..a way to release and let go. Unfortunately, Fiby has staked her claims on my brain as well and sometimes writing can leave me more frustrated than when I started. Not all of the time, but there are moments when I experience what they like to call Fibro fog and it leaves me feeling like a ratard (I spelled it that way on purpose)! The words I'm searching for, that ive used a million times before, playing hide and seek in my brain; taunting me by peaking out of the corners, but never fully showing themselves. Which results in blank stares (while I'm feverishly searching my brain) and something completely ridiculous stumbling out of my mouth or onto my posts. How did I end up here? Way to go brain for taking me on a different path!

I'm beginning to relax. I can feel my sanity nestling back to where it belongs. I no longer want to jump out of my skin! Yesssss...Thank you fibro fog for taking a backseat, wine for taking the edge off, and music for being so damn good to me! Now if only I had a tub so I could soak my aching body...