Sticks and stones....

May break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Yeah that cute little saying is complete bullshit! Words DO hurt!!! Want to know what else hurts? One of your best friends making excuses as to why these awful things were said about me. Yeah, that was a punch in the gut.

It was brought to my attention last night that this person who I will refer to as Mr. Douche, had some very nice things to say about me to my friend. Things I will not repeat and have left me feeling less than wonderful. Mr. Douche and I have not always been on the best of terms and often butt heads when we arrive upon the topic of goals, jobs, and ambition. We also have bad history from probably the second worst night of my life, July 4th two summers ago. I tolerate him because one of my best friends happens to be dating him; despite the fact that he has given her plenty of reasons to kick his douche baggy ass to the curb.

Once his comments were brought to my attention the ill feelings I have towards him were firmly cemented. I borderline hate him and I really dislike saying that I hate someone because it just feels wrong. But, he is deeming himself worthy of that feeling at this moment.

Today I politely expressed my utter distatse for Mr. Douche to my best friend and apologized ahead of time at the distance that is bound to come between us because I will NO longer be tolerating him for her. She says she understands and loves me and we continue to soak in the sun and beautiful surroundings on the dock. Minutes later Mr. Douche sails up to the dock and while he tries to start conversation I give nothing but short responses. He asks why I'm being Miss Grumpy today and I tell him because I really don't care for him. A few other words are exchanged as I'm getting up to leave and I exit with a, "You can go fuck yourself"! The words felt amazing as they escaped my lips. The violent shaking and tears that erupted once in my car; however, did not feel so amazing.

A while later the best friend calls to apologize that she didn't say anything to stick up for me. She freezes in these type of situations. Okay, I get it, I wasn't expecting her to say anything. But it is what she said AFTER that has left me feeling slightly numb. She gives me a lame excuse as to why Mr. Douche had reason to say what he said about me. She is trying to make it somehow okay that he said these things! She apologizes that he is so mean to me and tells me she doesnt know why he is like that, but it seems he is sort of targetting me. Followed by I love you and I don't want this to hurt our friendship. I was still reeling from the excuse and I told her I needed time to digest everything and I meant what I said when I was exiting the dock.

I'm trying to not let this bother me. These awful perceptions of me came out of the mouth of someone who means nothing to me. I can rise above and be the better person. But right now, the words fucking hurt...