Wedded bliss...

I was a part of a wonderful wedding experience yesterday. It truly was filled with so much love and happiness. I had a great time from beginning to end. I had moments of being emotional through the night and I became intoxicated with it all. I wanted that feeling and that moment.

I'm not saying that I wanted the moment of the walking down the isle in a big pretty gown. In all honesty, I don't really care for that. IF I'm ever to have a wedding expierience I would opt for something small and intimate. No real bells and whistles. There is too much stress in planning a wedding and I feel that the real magic of it all gets robbed. That's just MY opinion. Every other girl can have their big weddings. I never wanted to be Cinderella.

I want the moments that I witnessed when everyone was able to relax. I saw love all around me and not just from the new bride and groom, but from all of the married couples there. And maybe it was just the nostalgia in the air that made them hold extra affection in their hearts, but I wanted that. Those stolen moments on the dance floor where the man would grab his wifes behind thinking that no one would notice. The exchange of their private love language in their eyes. YOu know, when you can just tell someone how you feel with a look, a fleeting glance. It was a beautiful thing to witness and I got lost in it.

I do want that, but not with the ignorance of thinking that love is always rainbows and butterflies. Love can be gruesome. It's two people trying to merge their life into one and isn't that kind of impossible? I mean, we as individuals are always learning and growing and changing. To find someone that is going to learn and grow and change at the same rate as you is near impossible. Loving someone takes an immense amount of patience, encouragement, and willingness to adapt. Let me clarify that I don't think we must really change who we are to love someone. That is not what I mean when I say, "willingness to adapt". Rather, I mean that you have to be willing to bend and be a support when the person you love is changing. It's an inevitable part of life. Who we are today won't be who we are in five years and if you're with someone, you shouldn't discourage that process. It's a balancing act.

Too often I think that people forget that and opt to throw in the towel when life gets thrown in the way of love. It's just easier to give up and do it on your own. I'm not saying that there are not times when you really should end a relationship. Especially if it is unhealthy. You should never stay in a relationship that depletes you of who you are or is abusive (verbally or physically). No, if you are in one of those types of relationships I would advise that you get out and run as fast as you can. You should learn how to really love yourself first and then you can open up your heart to letting someone else love you. But if you don't love yourself first chances are you will continue to allow unhealthy relationships into your life. You're better than that and you deserve more.

Anyways, before I get off on too much of a tangent regarding love. Last night made me really realize that I want that. I want the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want the stolen moments of butt grabs and secret love languages shared in a glance. And I want that knowing that it isn't always going to be easy. After all they do say, "nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy."

I love myself and I know what I deserve and I'm ready to let love in (when it's ready)...