Hiatus, much...

I can't believe that the last time I actually wrote anything was in APRIL! I guess I've been too busy living. But, I've missed this. This moment of reflection and baring a small piece of my soul for anyone who cares to take a peek.

I don't even know where to start with this post and I'm really hoping that my many thoughts and emotions don't leave me so tangled that I can't properly spread them out on this page.

Let's begin with something that has been weighing heavy on me: friendship. By definition it's a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other. It sounds so simple and matter of fact and yet, it is so very complicated. Because people are so very complicated and this thing called "expectation" is bestowed upon the other individual (often times unknowingly). We believe that our friends should hold us in the highest regard and fight for us even when we are wrong. They should always be there when we need them. They should understand exactly how we feel and know exactly what to do or say to make it better (or at least try). And, when these demands aren't met, we secretly pout until it all becomes too much and blows up. Becomes something more than it really is and hurtful words are thrown at us like daggers. Ripping the friendship apart and you are left wondering if it is worth the effort it would take to build it back up. Friendship can be exhausting.

On the flip side, friendship is one of the most beautiful things to share. I, myself, am blessed with some of the most amazing women and consider them to be my soul sisters. They have been there for me in some of my darkest hours and have loved me regardless. They accept me for exactly who I am and that is a beautiful thing!

You're probably wondering where my initial rant came from if I have some amazing soul sisters?!? Well, I recently "lost" a friend and someone that I considered to be someone that I would have in my life forever. It all ended because she had a falling out with a mutual friend. She just doesn't think that our friendship can be the same because I am still friends with the other person. It all sounds silly and childish...and it kind of is!

The sad truth is, I care deeply about both of these people who are arguing. They both see this argument completely different and in their worlds they are both right, but lack of honest communication will continue to tear them apart. As a result, it means that one of them decided that she can't really continue the same kind of friendship that we once shared. All because I won't choose sides and I tried to listen to each of them and give encouragement to talk about how they are feeling.

So, that's how I lost a friend. By being a support to both of my friends. I was angry and hurt, but chalking this up as another lesson learned. Try your best and it may not be enough for someone. They may have set higher expectations for you than you realized. But, at the end of it all, if you can honestly say that you shared mutual affection and grew even a little bit from it, it's not a complete friendship lost. They just may not have been meant to share the rest of your story with you. Keep the good times in your heart and move on.

Exciting news! I have more I want to write. I think this means my writing block is gone (it's probably only a fleeting moment)! I must go now, but I WILL be back...