emotional rollercoaster (more like the demon drop...look it up)...

Isn't it crazy how quickly your emotions can change? Like a flip of the switch. One moment you are on cloud 9 and the next, you're curled up in the fetal position on the floor crying for your mommy. Most likely the switch in emotion is not that dramatic, but you catch my drift. I started my day off wonderfully. Entirelly too early, but it was pure bliss for my little heart. My boyfriend (yeah, I have one of those now...so much to catch up on)dropped off his daughter. He works early and I have offered to help out and take the morning duties of getting her ready and off to school (I'm nice). Anyways, that doesn't really matter, but I guess you kind of need a little back story. So, he lays her down and I get in bed hoping to sleep for at least another hour before we really have to be awake. Lil miss had a completely different agenda, but it was sweet and oh so loving and my heart took over my exhaustion. She wrapped her blanket around me (she shares) and put her little arms around my neck, inched up nose to nose, and whispered, "I love you Miss Brandy. I've missed you." Yep, I melted. Right there, just melted and fell even more in love with this little child. That moment. That quick two minutes carried me on cloud 9 for the majority of the day. Lifted my spirits so high, that nothing could burst it. I was wrong... A three minute phone conversation with the dad changed it all. Drug me off that cloud and threw me into a puddle of hurt. Hearing that slight slur in his speech with a hint of pain and anger behind every word (I didn't realize it was pain when I was younger, but I do now). With each of those words, I curled deeper and deeper inside of myself. Reverting back to the child who was so confused, scared, angry, and sad. Really really sad. So, to avoid letting him hear me get emotional I had to quickly get off the phone. That three minutes robbed me of my bliss. Which made me even more sad. It also made me sad because I'm now terrified of actually following through on the trip that I booked to see family in two weeks. It has been three years (or longer) since I have seen most of them. So, this is supposed to be a happy weekend of reuniting (also, it's pretty freaking sad that it's been three years since I've seen my dad and that it doesn't bother me and it's almost NORMAL) and now I'm fairly certain that it will involve many tears. Most visits with him do. I thought writing would help. It hasn't. Music induced coma it is! Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day...