For people who really know me, they know that I am just one big sentimental sap, mixed with some sarcasm, and a hint of bitch (doesn't really come out unless heat is added). It's true. I can be caught mushing it up on pretty much a daily basis with those closest to me.
That being said, my grateful heart has been overflowin' as of late. This sentimental sap is in overdrive. I just have these moments where it feels like these grateful moments are suffocating me. It's all because I'm at a place in my life where I am really happy with who I am and what I have to offer. I realize I'm not for everyone, but it's not about aiming to please others. It's about being you and letting the people who WANT to be there, be in your life. Those other jerks can use the nearest exit.
I have some amazing people in my life and I don't think that you can ever tell someone enough just how appreciated they are. So, I have been trying to do that. Share my thanks for what they offer my life and the joy that they add to it. I'm sure that some of them are thinking, "Enough already! I get it. You're grateful. You love me. You appreciate me. You told me that ten times yesterday!". Ok, so I'm not THAT bad, but I've been feeling it that much.
I think back on all of the struggles that this life has faced me with. The really down times, where I had almost no faith in myself. The moments where I was a hot mess and my life was close to a big blur. Those moments have made this time in my life that much more AMAZING! I'm in awe of my blessings. I really have no idea how I deserve this life, but I couldn't be more thankful for it!
For the people who love me, who have believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself, who gave me the hard wake up calls that I needed, and who were a support system: THANK YOU for loving me for me, even at some of my worst moments! For the newer loves in my life: thank you for making life that much sweeter and opening my heart up in a way that I didn't think would ever happen again!!!
Mush fest over, for now...
Showing posts with label friends forever. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends forever. Show all posts
1.02.2013
9.11.2012
Hiatus, much...
I can't believe that the last time I actually wrote anything was in APRIL! I guess I've been too busy living. But, I've missed this. This moment of reflection and baring a small piece of my soul for anyone who cares to take a peek.
I don't even know where to start with this post and I'm really hoping that my many thoughts and emotions don't leave me so tangled that I can't properly spread them out on this page.
Let's begin with something that has been weighing heavy on me: friendship. By definition it's a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other. It sounds so simple and matter of fact and yet, it is so very complicated. Because people are so very complicated and this thing called "expectation" is bestowed upon the other individual (often times unknowingly). We believe that our friends should hold us in the highest regard and fight for us even when we are wrong. They should always be there when we need them. They should understand exactly how we feel and know exactly what to do or say to make it better (or at least try). And, when these demands aren't met, we secretly pout until it all becomes too much and blows up. Becomes something more than it really is and hurtful words are thrown at us like daggers. Ripping the friendship apart and you are left wondering if it is worth the effort it would take to build it back up. Friendship can be exhausting.
On the flip side, friendship is one of the most beautiful things to share. I, myself, am blessed with some of the most amazing women and consider them to be my soul sisters. They have been there for me in some of my darkest hours and have loved me regardless. They accept me for exactly who I am and that is a beautiful thing!
You're probably wondering where my initial rant came from if I have some amazing soul sisters?!? Well, I recently "lost" a friend and someone that I considered to be someone that I would have in my life forever. It all ended because she had a falling out with a mutual friend. She just doesn't think that our friendship can be the same because I am still friends with the other person. It all sounds silly and childish...and it kind of is!
The sad truth is, I care deeply about both of these people who are arguing. They both see this argument completely different and in their worlds they are both right, but lack of honest communication will continue to tear them apart. As a result, it means that one of them decided that she can't really continue the same kind of friendship that we once shared. All because I won't choose sides and I tried to listen to each of them and give encouragement to talk about how they are feeling.
So, that's how I lost a friend. By being a support to both of my friends. I was angry and hurt, but chalking this up as another lesson learned. Try your best and it may not be enough for someone. They may have set higher expectations for you than you realized. But, at the end of it all, if you can honestly say that you shared mutual affection and grew even a little bit from it, it's not a complete friendship lost. They just may not have been meant to share the rest of your story with you. Keep the good times in your heart and move on.
Exciting news! I have more I want to write. I think this means my writing block is gone (it's probably only a fleeting moment)! I must go now, but I WILL be back...
I don't even know where to start with this post and I'm really hoping that my many thoughts and emotions don't leave me so tangled that I can't properly spread them out on this page.
Let's begin with something that has been weighing heavy on me: friendship. By definition it's a relationship between two people who hold mutual affection for each other. It sounds so simple and matter of fact and yet, it is so very complicated. Because people are so very complicated and this thing called "expectation" is bestowed upon the other individual (often times unknowingly). We believe that our friends should hold us in the highest regard and fight for us even when we are wrong. They should always be there when we need them. They should understand exactly how we feel and know exactly what to do or say to make it better (or at least try). And, when these demands aren't met, we secretly pout until it all becomes too much and blows up. Becomes something more than it really is and hurtful words are thrown at us like daggers. Ripping the friendship apart and you are left wondering if it is worth the effort it would take to build it back up. Friendship can be exhausting.
On the flip side, friendship is one of the most beautiful things to share. I, myself, am blessed with some of the most amazing women and consider them to be my soul sisters. They have been there for me in some of my darkest hours and have loved me regardless. They accept me for exactly who I am and that is a beautiful thing!
You're probably wondering where my initial rant came from if I have some amazing soul sisters?!? Well, I recently "lost" a friend and someone that I considered to be someone that I would have in my life forever. It all ended because she had a falling out with a mutual friend. She just doesn't think that our friendship can be the same because I am still friends with the other person. It all sounds silly and childish...and it kind of is!
The sad truth is, I care deeply about both of these people who are arguing. They both see this argument completely different and in their worlds they are both right, but lack of honest communication will continue to tear them apart. As a result, it means that one of them decided that she can't really continue the same kind of friendship that we once shared. All because I won't choose sides and I tried to listen to each of them and give encouragement to talk about how they are feeling.
So, that's how I lost a friend. By being a support to both of my friends. I was angry and hurt, but chalking this up as another lesson learned. Try your best and it may not be enough for someone. They may have set higher expectations for you than you realized. But, at the end of it all, if you can honestly say that you shared mutual affection and grew even a little bit from it, it's not a complete friendship lost. They just may not have been meant to share the rest of your story with you. Keep the good times in your heart and move on.
Exciting news! I have more I want to write. I think this means my writing block is gone (it's probably only a fleeting moment)! I must go now, but I WILL be back...
10.29.2011
A little front porch sitting...
disclaimer-I'm going to attempt a Saturday regular of my thoughts entitled "a little front porch sitting". We will see how long it lasts. Also, this may or may not be a long one!
October is slipping through my fingers. I feel as if I posted about my love for this month yesterday! Time is really going by entirely too fast. Why is it as we get older time seems to hit the fast forward button? I guess it is just greater affirmation that we need to enjoy the moment we are in and not focus on the past or future because if we do that we are missing out on the moments in front of our face. I need to keep reminding myself of this! "Time...it's the most valuable thing you have and it's always depreciating!" ~words from a dear friend.
Being present minded...I wish it wasn't easier said than done! You can attempt to move forward, but you'll have those people in your life that will pull you into the past. They will not let go of moments and they will find ways to remind you of those moments! They kind of remind me of quicksand because no matter how much you struggle to get up and move on, they will hold on with a fierce grip and pull you down back into those memories.
So, yet again life has slapped me in the face with another lesson learned! Don't put your energy into friendships when these "friends" don't reciprocate the energy. Friendship is a two way street and if people can't accept you for who you are (good, bad, and indifferent) they are not a true friend. If they can't forgive (don't expect them to forget though)it is probably better to move forward. "Friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway."~ unknown
I like to think that I'm pretty logical when it comes to life. I can own up to the wrong that I have done. For me there is no sense in denying it because we all will do wrong and cause grief or heartache for others in our life. Most of the time it is not intentional and there is some underlying emotion that brings our ugly side out. Some skeleton in the closet that likes to rear it's ugly head from time to time. By no means does it make those actions okay! And maybe not...maybe your life is straight rainbows and unicorns and you have never caused hurt for someone else! Doubtful though.
I also realize there is a fine line in this particular life lesson of mine. When someone owns up to their struggles that person has to make an effort to change it. The other party can only put up with things for so long before it becomes too much. I get this and probably understand this better than they do. Because I went through it...I was the other person putting up with someone struggling. Albeit a different type of relationship, but there comes a time when you either cut that person out of your life or you accept them for who they are and you CAN'T continuously punish them or bring up the past. Holding onto to those moments doesn't do anyone any good. It just causes pain for the person trying to change and for the person holding the grudge, it poisons your soul.
If you are experiencing a struggle in a relationship of yours and despite what side you are on, ask yourself, Is it time to cut my losses or forgive? Either way you must move forward! Holding onto the past will only break you down. Work on today so that your tomorrow can be a better one! Forgive others and yourself when you fall because we will always fall. It's how you handle picking yourself up that shows your strength.
For those of you who have come into my life and left...thank you! For those who have come into my life and stayed...thank you! You have each taught me a valuable lesson in life and have made me a better and stronger person. I am forever grateful for those lessons, even if they were painful ones!
Here's to moving FORWARD...
October is slipping through my fingers. I feel as if I posted about my love for this month yesterday! Time is really going by entirely too fast. Why is it as we get older time seems to hit the fast forward button? I guess it is just greater affirmation that we need to enjoy the moment we are in and not focus on the past or future because if we do that we are missing out on the moments in front of our face. I need to keep reminding myself of this! "Time...it's the most valuable thing you have and it's always depreciating!" ~words from a dear friend.
Being present minded...I wish it wasn't easier said than done! You can attempt to move forward, but you'll have those people in your life that will pull you into the past. They will not let go of moments and they will find ways to remind you of those moments! They kind of remind me of quicksand because no matter how much you struggle to get up and move on, they will hold on with a fierce grip and pull you down back into those memories.
So, yet again life has slapped me in the face with another lesson learned! Don't put your energy into friendships when these "friends" don't reciprocate the energy. Friendship is a two way street and if people can't accept you for who you are (good, bad, and indifferent) they are not a true friend. If they can't forgive (don't expect them to forget though)it is probably better to move forward. "Friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway."~ unknown
I like to think that I'm pretty logical when it comes to life. I can own up to the wrong that I have done. For me there is no sense in denying it because we all will do wrong and cause grief or heartache for others in our life. Most of the time it is not intentional and there is some underlying emotion that brings our ugly side out. Some skeleton in the closet that likes to rear it's ugly head from time to time. By no means does it make those actions okay! And maybe not...maybe your life is straight rainbows and unicorns and you have never caused hurt for someone else! Doubtful though.
I also realize there is a fine line in this particular life lesson of mine. When someone owns up to their struggles that person has to make an effort to change it. The other party can only put up with things for so long before it becomes too much. I get this and probably understand this better than they do. Because I went through it...I was the other person putting up with someone struggling. Albeit a different type of relationship, but there comes a time when you either cut that person out of your life or you accept them for who they are and you CAN'T continuously punish them or bring up the past. Holding onto to those moments doesn't do anyone any good. It just causes pain for the person trying to change and for the person holding the grudge, it poisons your soul.
If you are experiencing a struggle in a relationship of yours and despite what side you are on, ask yourself, Is it time to cut my losses or forgive? Either way you must move forward! Holding onto the past will only break you down. Work on today so that your tomorrow can be a better one! Forgive others and yourself when you fall because we will always fall. It's how you handle picking yourself up that shows your strength.
For those of you who have come into my life and left...thank you! For those who have come into my life and stayed...thank you! You have each taught me a valuable lesson in life and have made me a better and stronger person. I am forever grateful for those lessons, even if they were painful ones!
Here's to moving FORWARD...
9.23.2011
Blum's Dirty 30...
Quite possibly the BEST long weekend vacation of my life thus far!!! The planning for a trip to celebrate the life of my very dear friend started months ago. We talked about a few places that she was thinking about venturing to and Miami kept making an appearance. So, MA and I decided we would make a fb invite for Blum's Dirty 30 to Miami. Turns out that only the three of us could make the trip and I almost had to miss out due to my car troubles. Thank you baby Jesus for making it all work out!
From the plane ride to Miami till the plane ride home it was just one crazy situation after the next. Making for great memories that I think back on and wonder, "Did that really happen!!" YES and YES. Amazing, ridiculous, belly laughing GOOD TIMES! It really was the best place to celebrate a 30th birthday. A new decade that I am positive is going to be even better than her 20's if the start of her 30's is any indication to the rest of it. A time when she really knows what she wants and doesn't have those insecurities that come with your 20's. I'm excited for her future because I just know so many amazing things are to come!!!
Back to the trip:
The hotel that was stayed in was amazing and I recommend anyone wanting to spend time in South Beach to stay at the Shore Club. You won't be sorry! The lobby was even beautiful and smelled so delish. The outside area leading to the pool made you feel like you were in the tropics and the pool itself was really nice with beds and chairs all around. You can spend your days by the pool where it is pretty much a party each day, where people who aren't staying at the hotel will come to and at night they have a club at the hotel and the outside area gets filled with people and music. You wouldn't have to leave the hotel if you didn't want to, but of course we had to explore!
The first night we met some guys who were Miami veterans and offered to take us to a club. Little did we know that they went to college with the guy who owns most of the clubs...score! We ended up getting in VIP at club Set and spent four hours dancing until our feet hurt. Rather I danced until I got serious blisters, Blum spent most of her time dancing and MA was time traveling ;) After the club I convinced most of our group to take a dip in the ocean. That night didn't end until 6 am.
The next day was A-mazing and we were pool side until close to sun down. We met some super fun people and a few guys who were also celebrating their 30th! The sun was shining, music blaring, and drinks flowing all day. I would really like to live that moment over and over again! I also wish that I could share the pics on here, but STILL haven't figured out how to. Anyways, the day really was amazing and after a few hours napping and getting ready, we had another ridiculously free and fun night! Met some awesome Brits in the outside bar of our hotel and played a few hours of Never Have I Ever! Best ice breaker ever!!! Then around 2am it was time to go to a club. Yup...you read right...2 AM! Ridiculous right? I mean, totally not my normal life, but it's Miami and the night life doesn't really get going until way late. We were living the Miami life and doing it spectacularly, if I may say so myself. This night did not end until 8:30 am.
Day 3: All day at an Irish Pub that wasn't very Irish watching college football and drinking. Had to take a break from the sun. A nice stroll on the beach to watch the sunset. Which, aside from the late night/very early morning dip in the ocean, was the only beach time we had in Miami. We had our first actual meal out that night as well at the restaurant Nobu (delish sushi...go there if you find yourself in South Beach) and then I had to call it a night around 1 am because fiby was being rude and wanted to join me on the trip! The girls had an interesting night at the club in our hotel where MA really thought she was getting free drinks from an Italian Mob king (I still get a good laugh thinking about it...sorry MA).
On our last day in paradise we didn't have to head to the airport until 4pm, so we had plenty of time to play poolside. It was a great afternoon and a perfect end to an amazing trip! At the airport we had to part ways with Blum because she was flying on a different airline. After saying our goodbyes and the long-ish line through security (where I got selected to go through the body scan...I've seen images of those before and they leave little to the imagination! Hope Mr. Airport Security man got what he wanted), MA and I had one last adventure at one of the airport restaraunts. We each got a super fruity cocktail to really end Miami right and started conversation with a random guy who plopped next to me. If you ever want to start talking to a stranger who orders a bloody Mary at 5 in the afternoon just say, "oh so you're REALLY hungover huh?". It worked like a charm. So much so that we ended our convo before he had to catch his flight back to Texas with "We're in love, let's fly to Vegas next weekend and get married!" and this was even after I laughed at him and said "well that's embarrassing" when he shared that during his first real jujitsu fight (I know there is a name for this and I can't remember it for the life of me) he got knocked out on the first punch. He even gave me a big kiss...TWICE! Because he liked my soft lips so much he had to have another. His words...not mine. AMAZINGLY random and superb send off to end my stay in Miami!
Thank you Blum for picking Miami and being 30 and fabulous!!!! Best.trip.EVER!
From the plane ride to Miami till the plane ride home it was just one crazy situation after the next. Making for great memories that I think back on and wonder, "Did that really happen!!" YES and YES. Amazing, ridiculous, belly laughing GOOD TIMES! It really was the best place to celebrate a 30th birthday. A new decade that I am positive is going to be even better than her 20's if the start of her 30's is any indication to the rest of it. A time when she really knows what she wants and doesn't have those insecurities that come with your 20's. I'm excited for her future because I just know so many amazing things are to come!!!
Back to the trip:
The hotel that was stayed in was amazing and I recommend anyone wanting to spend time in South Beach to stay at the Shore Club. You won't be sorry! The lobby was even beautiful and smelled so delish. The outside area leading to the pool made you feel like you were in the tropics and the pool itself was really nice with beds and chairs all around. You can spend your days by the pool where it is pretty much a party each day, where people who aren't staying at the hotel will come to and at night they have a club at the hotel and the outside area gets filled with people and music. You wouldn't have to leave the hotel if you didn't want to, but of course we had to explore!
The first night we met some guys who were Miami veterans and offered to take us to a club. Little did we know that they went to college with the guy who owns most of the clubs...score! We ended up getting in VIP at club Set and spent four hours dancing until our feet hurt. Rather I danced until I got serious blisters, Blum spent most of her time dancing and MA was time traveling ;) After the club I convinced most of our group to take a dip in the ocean. That night didn't end until 6 am.
The next day was A-mazing and we were pool side until close to sun down. We met some super fun people and a few guys who were also celebrating their 30th! The sun was shining, music blaring, and drinks flowing all day. I would really like to live that moment over and over again! I also wish that I could share the pics on here, but STILL haven't figured out how to. Anyways, the day really was amazing and after a few hours napping and getting ready, we had another ridiculously free and fun night! Met some awesome Brits in the outside bar of our hotel and played a few hours of Never Have I Ever! Best ice breaker ever!!! Then around 2am it was time to go to a club. Yup...you read right...2 AM! Ridiculous right? I mean, totally not my normal life, but it's Miami and the night life doesn't really get going until way late. We were living the Miami life and doing it spectacularly, if I may say so myself. This night did not end until 8:30 am.
Day 3: All day at an Irish Pub that wasn't very Irish watching college football and drinking. Had to take a break from the sun. A nice stroll on the beach to watch the sunset. Which, aside from the late night/very early morning dip in the ocean, was the only beach time we had in Miami. We had our first actual meal out that night as well at the restaurant Nobu (delish sushi...go there if you find yourself in South Beach) and then I had to call it a night around 1 am because fiby was being rude and wanted to join me on the trip! The girls had an interesting night at the club in our hotel where MA really thought she was getting free drinks from an Italian Mob king (I still get a good laugh thinking about it...sorry MA).
On our last day in paradise we didn't have to head to the airport until 4pm, so we had plenty of time to play poolside. It was a great afternoon and a perfect end to an amazing trip! At the airport we had to part ways with Blum because she was flying on a different airline. After saying our goodbyes and the long-ish line through security (where I got selected to go through the body scan...I've seen images of those before and they leave little to the imagination! Hope Mr. Airport Security man got what he wanted), MA and I had one last adventure at one of the airport restaraunts. We each got a super fruity cocktail to really end Miami right and started conversation with a random guy who plopped next to me. If you ever want to start talking to a stranger who orders a bloody Mary at 5 in the afternoon just say, "oh so you're REALLY hungover huh?". It worked like a charm. So much so that we ended our convo before he had to catch his flight back to Texas with "We're in love, let's fly to Vegas next weekend and get married!" and this was even after I laughed at him and said "well that's embarrassing" when he shared that during his first real jujitsu fight (I know there is a name for this and I can't remember it for the life of me) he got knocked out on the first punch. He even gave me a big kiss...TWICE! Because he liked my soft lips so much he had to have another. His words...not mine. AMAZINGLY random and superb send off to end my stay in Miami!
Thank you Blum for picking Miami and being 30 and fabulous!!!! Best.trip.EVER!
5.19.2011
I broke out the red wine again...
And not because I was crawling out of my skin this time. No, no not that, but a whole other mess of things...
I have internally been going through a crazy range of emotions. I've been digesting some realities that I wanted to bury. It is easier to live in the land of make believe and pretend this nightmare is really just that...a nightmare. I am not fully prepared to face the beast head on, but I know that day is coming. I'm trying to prepare myself.
My heart is breaking for one of my very best friends in the whole wide world. A woman who is a sister to me, who I am able to share my ugly past with and not feel shame or make excuses for those involved with it. Someone who gets me! Sadly because she experienced very similar situations. She is beginning the process of the big D and I want more than anything to mend her broken heart. To make it better, easier, less painful. But I can't! Instead, I give whatever advice I can and tell her I love her over and over. I know my words don't ease the pain, but the honest to goodness truth is...if I could take it from her, I would!
Do you think that when it comes to being in love there is a time limit? That you fall in love with a person and once you have learned whatever it is you were supposed to and evolved as much as you are going to evolve, it is time to move on to the next? I've only been in love once so I am far from an expert in this area. I gather this conclusion on what I have witnessed around me. Maybe we aren't supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives? Maybe that kind of lasting love is to be kept amongst friends and family? I don't know, but I'm getting sidetracked.
Back to where I was going...many of the people that I hold so dear to my heart are going through a hardship in one form or another. I want more than anything to take it away from them and make it instantaneously better. But, I know better! That is not how life works. They need to experience this time for one reason or another and when they come out on top, (because I have all the confidence in the world that they all will) they will reflect on these hardships with some joy in knowing they made it through. They will grow as individuals and be one step closer to who they are supposed to be. I just hope they know I'm a shoulder to cry on when they need it.
This is just the uber compassionate side of me coming out right now. This part of me that loves with every fiber in my being, that is beyond sentimental, that really feels for my loved ones when they are struggling. This is a part of who I am!
I'm not making much sense right now. I'm not sure if it is the red wine or the emotions all trying to rush out of me at once. I think it's time to switch to the journal...
I have internally been going through a crazy range of emotions. I've been digesting some realities that I wanted to bury. It is easier to live in the land of make believe and pretend this nightmare is really just that...a nightmare. I am not fully prepared to face the beast head on, but I know that day is coming. I'm trying to prepare myself.
My heart is breaking for one of my very best friends in the whole wide world. A woman who is a sister to me, who I am able to share my ugly past with and not feel shame or make excuses for those involved with it. Someone who gets me! Sadly because she experienced very similar situations. She is beginning the process of the big D and I want more than anything to mend her broken heart. To make it better, easier, less painful. But I can't! Instead, I give whatever advice I can and tell her I love her over and over. I know my words don't ease the pain, but the honest to goodness truth is...if I could take it from her, I would!
Do you think that when it comes to being in love there is a time limit? That you fall in love with a person and once you have learned whatever it is you were supposed to and evolved as much as you are going to evolve, it is time to move on to the next? I've only been in love once so I am far from an expert in this area. I gather this conclusion on what I have witnessed around me. Maybe we aren't supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives? Maybe that kind of lasting love is to be kept amongst friends and family? I don't know, but I'm getting sidetracked.
Back to where I was going...many of the people that I hold so dear to my heart are going through a hardship in one form or another. I want more than anything to take it away from them and make it instantaneously better. But, I know better! That is not how life works. They need to experience this time for one reason or another and when they come out on top, (because I have all the confidence in the world that they all will) they will reflect on these hardships with some joy in knowing they made it through. They will grow as individuals and be one step closer to who they are supposed to be. I just hope they know I'm a shoulder to cry on when they need it.
This is just the uber compassionate side of me coming out right now. This part of me that loves with every fiber in my being, that is beyond sentimental, that really feels for my loved ones when they are struggling. This is a part of who I am!
I'm not making much sense right now. I'm not sure if it is the red wine or the emotions all trying to rush out of me at once. I think it's time to switch to the journal...
4.16.2011
Challenges make you stronger right...
How do you handle a dear friend not knowing how to be around you? Not because of something you necessarily did, but because of something that happened to you!
A test of our friendship I guess you could say. I'm not thrilled that it has to be tested. In fact it leaves me very VERY sad! I'm praying that it only makes the bond stronger in the end because I'll tell you right now that if it ends broken, another chunk of my heart will turn to ice. I'm not good at handling giving my all in any type of relationship and it falling to pieces. Something I CLEARLY need to work on because it is a part of life and Lord willing I've got a lot more life to live.
This now, almost all out in the open, revelation of honest feelings has also lead to me having to deal with some things. The truth stings all the way down to the core. Not something that I've been denying. Actually, it is something that I've come to a conclusion to two summers ago and have been working on. I've fallen a few times and let me tell you, I don't need anyone to be hard on me for it because I do a phenomenal job at being hard on myself.
I'm so far from perfect it isn't funny, but one thing that I like to think is in my favor, is my realization of my faults. I know I have issues I need to deal with. I'm making an effort at working towards these fixes and shouldn't that be a good thing? Maybe a fault is I try to do it all on my own because I like to think I'm Superwoman?! That and I have a seriously hard time really confiding my true emotions to others. I'd rather they confide in me about theirs because I've always had this need to help people. Plus, I feel silly when I start feeling bad for myself because I really am a very Blessed individual.
Here's to another challenge in life, another notch on the strength belt...
A test of our friendship I guess you could say. I'm not thrilled that it has to be tested. In fact it leaves me very VERY sad! I'm praying that it only makes the bond stronger in the end because I'll tell you right now that if it ends broken, another chunk of my heart will turn to ice. I'm not good at handling giving my all in any type of relationship and it falling to pieces. Something I CLEARLY need to work on because it is a part of life and Lord willing I've got a lot more life to live.
This now, almost all out in the open, revelation of honest feelings has also lead to me having to deal with some things. The truth stings all the way down to the core. Not something that I've been denying. Actually, it is something that I've come to a conclusion to two summers ago and have been working on. I've fallen a few times and let me tell you, I don't need anyone to be hard on me for it because I do a phenomenal job at being hard on myself.
I'm so far from perfect it isn't funny, but one thing that I like to think is in my favor, is my realization of my faults. I know I have issues I need to deal with. I'm making an effort at working towards these fixes and shouldn't that be a good thing? Maybe a fault is I try to do it all on my own because I like to think I'm Superwoman?! That and I have a seriously hard time really confiding my true emotions to others. I'd rather they confide in me about theirs because I've always had this need to help people. Plus, I feel silly when I start feeling bad for myself because I really am a very Blessed individual.
Here's to another challenge in life, another notch on the strength belt...
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