Managing the beasts...

It has been over a month since my last entry. Again, not for lack of things to write. In fact, there have been so many events that have happened. So many different emotions that are swirling around. So many moments where I have wanted to come running to my keyboard and just let it all pour out. But, then life happens and I allow things to get in the way of my time to have this moment of release. Doubts set it and parts of me doesn't want to share too much. So, I may type a few sentences and then delete my efforts, put my keyboard away, and lay down with hopes that I'll find the time and mood to write the next day.

I have started a new journey in my life. A journey to conquer my beasts that are stress and anxiety. These beasts play into the agony of fiby and after a particularly rough weekend both mentally and physically, I had this burning desire to change it. It was the push I needed to start doing something for myself. One would think the natural thing to do would call up the doctor and start popping some pills to manage these demons. However, I have a strong dislike for doctors and for taking medicine. NOT that I do not believe that there are legitmate times when both are needed. They very much are, but I know myself and I know that is not what is best for me. Not until I exhaust every other natural option that there is.

So on the Monday after the very exhausting weekend, I consulted the "book of knowledge" as my boyfriend likes to call it (that would be google). I searched for therapists in my surrounding area and came up with at least 15 to choose from. Most of which I quickly glanced over and made the quick assumption that they were not for me. Then, I happened upon the lady that I am currently seeing. There was something about the quick blurb about her practice that caught my eye and made me look into her practice a little further. So I visited her website and read about hypnotherapy and decided this was something that I really wanted to try. It is a bit uncovnentional and not something that I would have went searching for on my own, but I felt a pull towards this type of therapy. I think life has a way of doing that. Pulling you where you need to go.

I emailed her that same day and expressed what I was looking to gain from this. Guidence and tools that I can use to better manage my stress and anxiety. I gave a quick description of what is currently going on in my life that lead me to searching for this tool. She called me that afternoon and we had a great 15 minute conversation. Have you ever had moments where you met someone and felt an instant connection in one form or another? That is what it felt like talking with her. I felt comfortable and open and at complete ease. I left the conversation excited and eager to finally meet her and see what this could do for me.

I am not new to therapy. I have tried this route in my early adulthood and I can't say that it was the best or worst thing that I have ever done. I just knew that I wasn't looking to just sit in someones office and spill my insides out and have them nod and listen and give me a line. I wanted someone who would make me do some soul searching. Put a little work into this because I know that the healing of my life will come from me. I have to do the hard work. It is just nice to have someone who can guide you and give you the tools to do so. I am happy to say that this is what I am getting with my hypnotherapist.

I am learning to manage stress and anxiety. I am learning to better communicate my feelings and what is important to me. To not push them aside in fear of them being a burden to others. Which has been a source of relief and has allowed me to communicate on a different level. I know that I still have work ahead of me, but it has been an empowering experience and one I'm happy to share with anyone who cares to actually read this.

When it comes to your emotional well being, I don't think that anyone should be ashamed of what they do to better the person that they are. There is a negative connotation that usually goes along with therapy, but I don't believe that it shows weakness in someone. I think quite the opposite. It takes great courage to meet with someone and actively work on bettering yourself. I will acknowledge that it may not be for everyone, but if you are toying with the idea I suggest you do some research of the therapists in your area and the methods they use and just try it.

"Everything that happens is meant to help move you into your greater self."

LIfe's Challenge...

"When we least expect if, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait, Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide wheter or not to accept our destiny."

Every single person is going to be faced with a challenge in their life. There is no escaping it! They will present themselves in different shapes and sizes and at a moments notice. They will show up at your doorstep the moment that you feel like things are finally settling down and making sense. They will shove their way through the door, unpack their bags, and stay until you learn the secret lesson they're meant to teach. And, if you don't quite learn it the first go around, they will happily show up down the road in different form until you do. Then, when you have that challenge nailed and you're feeling all hunky dory (yeah, I just said that!), a whole new one will arrive. That's life.

I am no stranger to Life's challenges. Some have taken me down to the darkest places where it took me significant time to find my way back up. While others came and went. I have felt defeated and alone at times, but there was always some little glimmer of strength that pulled me through. I am not sure where it evolved from. Maybe it was my fight to not become like someone close to me. Someone who decided to sink and just exist, but not live. Then again, it could also be that I have another person close to me who was faced with many dark challenges and always rose above. Most likely, it is a combination of the two. For that I am thankful!

I believe it is all about how you face those Challenges. I don't think there is one right way to learn from them. I do; however, feel that there is one way to fail and that is by avoiding or hiding from them. It may seem like it works for some time, but they will start to invade your life and leave you crippled. You can either learn or you can slowly suffocate. You can face them head on or let them back you up into a corner. The choice is really yours!!

The beautiful thing about Life's challenges is that you're constantly learning about yourself (if you allow it). Realizing that you can, in fact, handle much more than you thought you could. Always evolving into the person you're supposed to become. And don't we want to always be evolving? Because when the moment comes that we are done learning and becoming more of who we are, we're just existing or we're expired. And, I don't want either of those realities.

I have to remind myself of these things because when you're in a life lesson that reality can become clouded. It can feel impossible to overcome or unfair. You may even want to throw yourself on the ground and throw a tantrum like a three year old (no? Just me?)! I won't. I'm pretty good at keeping it together. I just need moments of remembering that I can do this, whatever this may be at the moment. I know that my future self will look back on this with fond reflection of how far I have come and I'll walk away with more ammo for future challenges. But, in this moment, I'm needing a lot of reminding.

I think 2013 is going to be a year of great love and great life lessons! No need to worry, I've got this (even if I need to shower myself with reminders)...